Why does a child behave badly with mom, and withgood by others?

Parents for a small child – not only the most
close people, but also the whole world. However, many families face
such a problem: the baby is capricious and throws tantrums into
the presence of mom, although with all the other people remains
calm and obedient. This grieves adults, especially if they
bring up the firstborn. Is it really bad baby behavior
is mom guilty? Understand the issue will help child psychologist
Catherine Burmistrova.

rebenok ploho sebia vedet

Екатерина Бурмистрова, психолог: Один из самых
Parents’ frequent requests in counseling are: why does my
is the child behaving the worst to me? He behaves well in
the garden. To him there are no questions for teachers in the classroom. The nanny says, “U
we have no problems with him. ” And only with mom – basically it
addressed to the mother – the child behaves just awful. Often parents,
especially if it is the firstborn, they do not understand what is the matter.

Reason number 1. Trust in parents

Parents are used to looking for the cause of a child’s complex behavior.
themselves. If something goes wrong, mom starts analyzing
own actions, considering it to be wrong
raises his child. In fact, kids roll up
tantrums both when they are raised strictly and when

The paradox of the relationship between parents and children is
that every child behaves the worst with people who are more
More precisely, with those whom he fully trusts. therefore
tantrums in the presence of mothers are absolutely normal.
If the baby is not afraid to express their feelings and emotions before
родителем, значит, их отношения можно назвать здоровыми
Adults have managed to establish a basic level of trust, at which
the child is comfortable with them.

A child behaves only with his mother – normal or disturbing

Mom should be wary if her baby walks with her
line, and all the negative emotions gives a nanny, grandmother or
воспитателям в детском the garden. Fortunately, this behavior occurs
extremely rarely and says that the baby is afraid or just bad
knows the closest person. This is usually due to
that mom works a lot and practically does not appear at home and is very
rarely sees his own child.

Psychologists say that this type of behavior is not uncommon
for Europe, where parents completely shift responsibilities to
raising children to nannies. In Russia, such families are quite small.
therefore для нашей страны стандартна другая ситуация: мама все свое
devotes time to the baby, and he behaves the worst with it.

When a child trusts his parents, he feels
absolute security next to them. In this situation, there is no baby
sense to control his behavior and emotions, although he already
doing so in the presence of other people.

Reason number 2. Adaptation for adults

A small child under the age of 6 is a chameleon who
adapts to adults. Children often repeat phrases that
parents say they are copying their walk and a way to hold a spoon for
the table. He is such an imitation in the house often happen emergency. Imitating
Daddy’s work at the computer, the baby can accidentally pull out
network cable from the outlet, which will lead to data loss. Copying
Mother’s cares about household chores; children pour flour throughout the kitchen. Everything
these are the natural mechanisms of development, learning and
self-improvement. The consequences of such games in adults for many
even cause laughter and emotion, because in the house grows real
host or hostess.

rebenok ploho sebia vedet s mamoi`

The level of emotional imitation ordinary parent sees much
worse. When a child misbehaves at the arrival of the mother, and before that with
other adults behaved well – this is a very graphic illustration
automatic chameleonism.

Let’s say the child was with the grandmother all day, they had everything
perfectly. During this time, the child arranged under the type of grandmother
reactions, its requirements, speed, speech momentum, under what
grandmother is pleased and displeased. This is not at the level
understanding, but at the level of sensations. He does it without thinking how
the plant turns to the light like a dog or cat come to regret
or treat the host.

When mom arrives, other demands follow.
emotional expectations, reactions to different words and types of behavior.
However, the child is accustomed to the grandmother’s coordinate system. For
he did not have time for perestroika. As a result on
for some period the child is in two coordinate systems.
Due to the fact that he does not have time to switch, the baby becomes
confused. Provocative behavior is his
natural reaction that helps adapt to
маминым особенностям
после долгого времени, проведенного с
grandmother. therefore и возникают временные сбои в поведении, истерики
and whims.

How to correct the child’s behavior?

The main thing parents need to do is to stop being offended.
on the child and blame himself for scandalizing them in their presence.
Mom and Dad need to understand that the baby’s behavior is not drawn to them,
but connected with the natural stage development. That baby
allows oneself much more emotions and reactions in the presence of the most
close people – this is the norm. Mom will have to accept the fact that
baby for some time will behave badly with her. To better
to adapt to such conditions, parents should use
recommendations of psychologists.


We also read: 10 причин плохого поведения

Waiting tactics

When a child’s mood and behavior change dramatically, a woman
always starts to think that she is a bad mother. Often oil on fire
Grandmas poured, making stinging remarks: “We are with him so
We get along well, what did you do, what did he immediately whimper? “,” But with
he wasn’t naughty with me! ”

rebenok s babushkoi`

Relatives often begin to compete for the love of a child,
therefore it is better to miss the emotional wave. Psychologist Ekaterina
Burmistrova explains that this metaphor is related to the way
inland sea, which is in every person. When it storms
from strong shocks, it is better to wait out one wave, and then
dive under it. After that, you will find yourself in a comfortable and
safe space.

This is exactly what you need to do with the emotional reactions of the child.
Нужно отойти на пару шагов и чуть-чуть подождать, чтобы
the kid was able to change lanes.
Usually the child comes out of
behavioral failure yourself. If he doesn’t succeed,
you can help him and say softly: “You are so broke that I see
how much you missed me. ” Just wait. Emotional wave
come down and the child will be affectionate with the mother, as before.

Monitoring family relationships

In most cases, it is better to accept the fact that
Time Lapse Child Behavior Goes Out Of Control. Than
to deal with the mechanisms of development of the baby, it is better to establish
certain rules within the family. They will help the child faster
switch from grandmothers and nannies to their parents. The best option –
to hand over the child to the mother and leave immediately. After that she needs
wait a little more for the baby to return to normal.

It is important to understand that the child will have a certain line of communication with
every adult who has a close relationship with him. This is about
grandparents, nannies, a kindergarten teacher, and
about dad if he lives separately. Relationship with them develop
completely different from mom. Moreover, with each person
baby manifests itself in different ways. After all, all relatives have their own
emotions and reactions that the child unknowingly copies.

Relationships with other people will not be harmful if mom
will not show jealousy, aggression, exhibit their
Такие реакции изматывают и взрослых, и children.
And most importantly – my mother has no cause for concern. If she
gives the child enough time, he will always perceive it
like the closest person you can trust. Relationship with
other adults and a change of scenery will only benefit
baby He will learn to communicate with different people, learn new
information. Everything это поможет ему в будущем.

Sometimes a child’s voice changes when she’s talking to her grandmother.
intonation, he can command and manipulate her. If the child is like that
behaves, so he is allowed to. Grandma considers behavior
child is normal, the baby is also happy with everything. As a result
harmonious relationships are built.

If mom doesn’t support grandma’s look at all
education, they should not drink tea in the presence of the baby. Two
different coordinate systems will unbalance it. Better sharply
to hand the child up and leave.

It is much more difficult to give the kid a dedicated line of communication with dad,
who lives separately. In this case, adults will have to forget about
their conflicts and try to trust each other, and after
Divorce is not easy. However, the child may well be allowed
separate formats of relationships with relatives you trust.
When the kid goes to school, he has his own line of communication with
the first teacher. Later it will not be difficult to start

Because with the parents the child behaves relaxedly, and
allows himself a lot. I was in the garden was obedient perfect
girl home tomboy. And in the garden I always kept myself in
Within, aunts strangers, she was afraid of condemnation, and at home with her mother

We also read:

  • How to fix bad behavior in a child in 7 days: gradual
  • The child misbehaves: what to do?

Есть и другая сторона медали: Почему малыш
does not accept any of the relatives and communicates only with the mother

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