Why do children fight among themselves and how are theycalm down? Says psychologist Marina Romanenko

Hello to all! Today we talk to one of the most painful
Topics for parents: what to do when children in one family fight?
It can be brothers, sisters. And suddenly in the family fights!

Video. Psychologist Marina Romanenko. AT
This video is about the most painful topic for parents – fights
children in the family. Psychologist Marina Romanenko talks about the reasons
the quarrels of brothers and sisters, how to calm them down quickly, and where not
get involved in a conflict at all:

Text version:

Children fight among themselves: what to do?

The most important thing to understand at this point in time is that
almost everyone who had brothers or sisters, fought among themselves.
Therefore, this is a topic that everyone faced, as being
small, if he had a brother or sister, or becoming a parent,
when we have more than one child. And there are certain
rules on how to proceed in order to fight, in general,
ceased to be the place to be, and the relationship between the children remained very
good ones

Why do kids fight?

1. Because of toys

The first reason children can fight is toys,
when one claims the toys of another. Senior usually
protects his and does not want to give, and this is the reason for the quarrels.

We also read: What to do, если ребенок не
sharing toys?

2. Because of things

ATторое – иногда бывает: дети подросли, начинают таскать вещи
each other, and the house is just “A-ah-ah!” as early as adolescence,
когда одна сестра надела вещи другой сестры, или обувь, или
bag without demand, huh? This is also a moment that can be
the reason why children fight.

3. To attract attention

And they can fight, because they attract attention
parents, so they want to win, a little more to pay

4. ATосстановить справедливость

And one more thing that I often come across, why can
Fighting children in the family – this is because they want to restore some
justice. Seniors, as a rule, sometimes get so much custody, and
that the younger are protected all the time, or that their property
claim that they just sometimes quite unexpectedly can
start a fight, well, to let off steam, and, to protect somehow
yourself, your integrity, and your property in the family.

What should parents do?

1. Separate toys

The first thing I want to say is if children fight over toys,
please split the toys! Common does not happen. There is no such thing
что младший имеет право взять игрушку у старшего. Not!
Please define: elder toys by his right, if he them
bought or presented. And they are not inherited, they remain
him if he does not decide to give them to himself.

When a second child is born in a family, buy him a set.
toys It does not automatically mean that if three years
the eldest was not played by the machine, then it can be given to the younger one, and
hope he doesn’t see it. The first thing he does is go,
pick it up and say it’s mine! On your “you three years not
was played! ”he will say:“ So what! This is my toy! ”

And if you persuade him, at this moment, it is not clear
why, the parent suddenly decides to love more than the younger, and not
to break the character of an older child, not to respect him in order
for some reason give the youngest a toy. Listen buy him his set
toys! And the elder must have his toys, and this is holy!

And teach the children to ask each other, “Can I take you
a toy? ”And give permission, especially to the eldest, to say,“ No,
cannot! ”Then calm the younger one, if he cries, carry him away.
somewhere, switch it. But the rule remains the same – teach
ask them each other! And if allowed – yes, of course,
take it If not allowed – you can not take.

I would also warn the older ones that the younger one will be everywhere
crawl. And if your toys are where he can easily
reach out – get them out of there if you don’t want to give them. To
do not create these conflicts so that you don’t want to protect
junior where, in fact, he, in general, the protection is not

We also read: Должен ли ребенок делиться

2. Separate things

ATторое – когда они дерутся из-за вещей, всё та же история: две
shelves, things. Sometimes you even have to buy exactly the same
because the younger one wants the same as the older one. Buy one
the same!

And enter all the same rule: ask, you can take, or
can not take. Без спроса ничего can not take. So you
raise self-esteem, respect. And the world is not
crouch in front of your child who got used to without demand or
with impunity to take other people’s things. This is strange. He can not go on
the street, take your car without asking, and leave? Why he then
can take a thing or a toy of another? To ask is a culture
which definitely will not be superfluous in the family!

3. Pay attention to both children.

The next moment when children fight among themselves, attracting your
Attention. Just think that each of them wants to get
a piece of you. Sometimes they want it at the same time. ATас обнимает
little child, the eldest can push him away. I know that
one who said: “This is my mom!”

When the youngest is born in the family, the elder suddenly begins to divide
beloved mom and dad with someone else. Obviously, sometimes he will
try to push everyone away so that all attention, as before, was
given to him. So understand that. Do not defend with all forces
baby, you just need to never be in the firing line,
when the forces are not equal. But pay attention to the elder, pay attention
the youngest.

We also read:

  • Why is the eldest child jealous of the youngest? What to do
  • My mum! Only mine! – or a few words about child jealousy

Иногда это приходится делать at the same time. One in your arms
second to hand. I kiss this, kiss that. Just do not say that
you love them equally, does not work. ATсё, что они услышат… Они
secretly counting kisses, which everyone got.

Remember that you need the eldest to spend as much time
сколько the youngest. Не только в момент, когда они от вас этого
physically require, and at other times. Then you reduce
the number of fights that relate to the fact that you are on them
noticed, and gave their warmth, love, care. And showed in
quotes to another, which of the children is more important in the family.

Try to warn this by hugging and kissing as often as possible.
your child, one and two, saying that you love them. But
just not you love them. �“I love you!” Passing by. �”I love you
love! ”passing by. Каждому хочется быть центром ATселенной! Give
им это ощущение, что они – центр ATселенной!

4. Do not introduce double standards.

You know, do not introduce double standards into the family yet. That too
to be the reason why children may clash or fight in a family,
when one gets more, another for some reason gets less.
already if you divide, then in half, immediately and always.

And the key to success of parents in families with more than one child
– it does not take sides. ATы не можете быть на стороне
one, or on the side of the other. ATы – родитель, вы одинаково любите
your children, and you cannot be on anyone’s side, you have
no such right.

We must reduce the number of fights that can take place.
there for reasons that we have just named. But лучше всего не
interfere. What do I mean when I say: “Do not interfere”?

When children came running to you, like mine, for example, they resorted to me:
�“Ah, hit me this! This hit me! ”I say: well, and that
come running? They, such, are waiting for me to tell someone that he is right, but
someone is wrong. I say: “Quickly from me, and sort it out!
Come and tell me that you have already made up! ”And they resorted
and said: “We are already doing well! We have already made up! ”Excellent!

ATот таким где-то образом, не принимая ничью сторону, отошлите их
understand each other, in a comic form showing that you
no-no-no, you don’t play these games, you don’t drag on one of

5. Be always near

Another very important rule to follow
parents. When you have children, and they have conflicts, of course
you must be near. What’s next? The younger the children, the
physically you should be closer to them, in two or three steps,
sometimes at a distance of one step. But если вдруг что – вы раз, и
spread them in different directions and they can’t hurt each other
to a friend.

Slightly older children start to be, well, you maybe there in three, in
four meters away, but they are always in your field of vision. ATы готовите, и
look after them. You can not hope that while you are in the kitchen quickly there
do something, the room will be quiet. Drag the mat to the kitchen,
so that the children would play with you and be under yours … Well, not that
vigilant control, no, but so you can quickly respond,
if suddenly you need your help.

When the kids are the same kids, and they are small, or twins, and they
small, they rarely can cause each other serious
damage, so you are near, look, if necessary –
you take apart.

But когда разница между детьми два-три года, это означает,
что вы можете быть родителем годовалого ребенка и трехлетнего
child, three year old, six year old or eight year old, and then if
a fight begins, the forces are not equal. The one who is taller is bigger
stronger, he can usually hit harder. Accordingly, in
this moment you should also be near, and be ready to separate.
Remember, you can’t take sides!

Sometimes it will work if you just extract the younger one and
transplant there on the other side of yourself, and for a while say:
«Не-не-не, вы играете отдельно, потому что вместе ATы точно не
can be! ”Separately.

Try as less as you can to say to the children: “You can’t fight!”
or some other things, because they are not just fighting like that.
Children never do anything for nothing. There is some
cause. And you may not know her. ATы не участвуете в их разговорах,
you are not one of them, you do not feel what they feel
they are, therefore, the reason may elude you. Just take them apart!
Plant one into one side, the other side, and
for a while until the passions subside, don’t let them

Know your children love each other, that’s for sure. But как только вы
start to take something side, a sense of justice of the child,
whose side you have not taken, begins to escalate. And at that moment you
make such a crack in their relationship. It really works here
rules that say about the family: “Lovely curse – only
amuse yourself! ”They quarreled here, made peace, then played on. So and
your children: quarreled here, reconciled here, live on here,
Here they play, love each other.

Just be careful that they can’t hurt each other.
friend, just take apart, and know – this age will pass. And if
вы не принимали чью-то сторону, не обостряли чувство
justice, your children will live long, peacefully, already being
взрослыми, поддерживать и помогать друг to a friend. And they won’t have
accumulate resentment unspoken on a brother, sister, or brothers,
or sisters, stretching from deep childhood.

We also read: Пересечение интересов или
How to calm the little fighters?

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