How children grow up, directly depends on their
relationship with parents. Too many require or, conversely,
is everyone allowed? Overly strict or overly indifferent? All these
parenting styles do not affect the child in the best way. Psychoanalyst
Gerald Shonevulf told what other mistakes parents make and
what they can lead to.
about the author
Джеральд Шоневульф (Gerald Schoenewolf), психоаналитик,
author of books.
The American psychologist Diana Baumrind described in the 1960s
various styles of parenting, its classification is still
pores can be found in many textbooks on psychology. Initially
she singled out three different styles of unhealthy parenting and one kind
healthy. Since then, other scientists have worked to develop this
Topics. According to the results of my own work and research, I
I propose to add to this classification six more types of unhealthy
relations between parents and children. Thus, there are only 9 of them.
If you recognize yourself in one of these types, it means that you urgently need
change the line of conduct.
Their credo is “It will be as I said!” These are dictator parents,
who primarily raise children with punishment, and
no rewards. And often they punish children in a fit
rage. Children of such parents grow up intimidated, insecure.
in themselves, angry and unadapted to life. Often in
future, they themselves become authoritarian parents, and the whole cycle
Such parents do not put any restrictions for children, confusing
love with permissiveness. They really need to get approval from
hand children, and because of this, they unwittingly give them power over themselves.
Children usually grow up spoiled by egoists, believe that they are all
around something must, and when they don’t get something, then
throw tantrums – just like in childhood.
3. Пренебрегающие родительскими обязанностями
Some parents do not raise children at all. They are immersed in
your own world. Sometimes it is workaholics who have children
there is no time, sometimes they endlessly quarrel with each other, and children
barely notice. Their children grow up without knowing themselves and
completely unable to cope with life difficulties. Have them
low self-esteem, they are not confident and can not do without
They want their children only good. In fact, hyperopic –
the manifestation of their unconscious fears and insecurities. They fear
life and do not give their children the opportunity to learn from their own
mistakes and develop self-confidence. Kids grow up
timid and anxious (their parents were the same), they are not
able to cope with life difficulties and take care of themselves.
We also read: О негативных последствиях
over custody and care for boys at different ages
Narcissus parents use children to satisfy
own needs. They do not care for children, but children should
to care about them. Children should tell them what they want to hear.
(otherwise all parental anger will fall upon them), and sometimes they
you have to play the role of parents for their own parents. AT
In other cases, parents-daffodils try through children to translate into
life’s own unfulfilled ambitions (for example, in the works).
Kids grow up потерянными и постоянно нуждающимися с помощи и
Often, two parents have completely different approaches to parenting.
children AT результате – постоянный конфликт. For example, one of
parents are authoritarian, and the second, on the contrary, allows everything. Children in
such situations learn to manipulate parents and usually
are on the side of the one who allows more. AT результате они
do not learn to build constructive communication with others and grow,
not understanding what a healthy relationship is.
We also read: Дружная семья гору свернет,
or how to overcome disagreements in raising a child
Dependent parents do not want to let their children go, so
try to make them dependent on themselves. They make their life at home
as comfortable as possible and provoke a feeling of guilt for them
there is a desire to leave and start living separately. Such parents
keep children in an infantile state, and it seems that
can not live on their own. AT результате дети страдают от низкой
self-esteem, do not know how to be independent and to defend their
Some parents live being completely isolated from
society and even from relatives and friends. They do not know how to build
relationship with anyone, including each other. Therefore, often such
parents bring up children alone. Children do not learn to communicate and
build relationships and also feel isolated.
This is the worst parenting style. Such parents могут относиться к
any of the previous types, but at the same time diligently pretend
kind and loving, hiding his “poison”. AT пьесе Теннесси Уильямса
�“Glass menagerie” mother is sure that she loves her daughter and always
trying to help her find a job or meet men but
in the process deprives the daughter of self-reliance, as a result
remains weak and shy.
Children of “toxic” parents often begin to understand that with them
occurred only after many years. If they complain to their parents, those
they only laugh, and if they complain about their parents to someone else, then
in response, they most often get something like: “But how are you not ashamed?
She only talks about how worried about you! “.
Healthy type of education
This is the only kind of healthy education,
which highlighted the psychologist Diana Baumrind. Authoritative родители
behave with children firmly, but without excessive cruelty and inclination
to excessive punishment. They are open to dialogue. They teach children
build constructive relationships and adapt to any
situations. They love their children and understand that sometimes love
requires rigor. Their children grow up well adapted to
living, independent and empathetic, and this
the cornerstone of any healthy relationship with
We also read:
- Top of 10 mistakes of parents in raising children
- 10 of the most effective methods of raising children
- 21st century myths about parenting