Under the guise of the victim. What if baby�”Beats on pity”

Children have the art of manipulation for
achieve the desired goal. If some go to conflict or
obey then manipulators use efficient weapon
impact on parents in hidden ways. Many adults
succumb to such tricks. As a result, this behavior
child is fixed and gradually transformed into
pathological traits. There are insidious manipulators,
who “play” on the feeling of pity. Such “victims” are constantly
complain about life and collect dividends – words of encouragement and

ребенок бьет на жалость

What is the manipulation of pity?

Kids from an early age understand that between crying and attention
parents have a strong connection. How convenient to manipulate on
feeling pity! With age, the desire to cause this feeling
saved and can become a daily way of communicating with
around and means to solve all problems.

The theme of compassion and pity is widely used in everyday life.
You can easily achieve the desired goal and not necessarily
waste your energy and pursue something. You can just porydat or
make a pathetic look – and the goal will be achieved. No wonder
существует эта популярная фраза: «Пять минут позора, и ты – в
. Not only children, but also many adults are seeking
desired results, “playing” on self-pity.

Children manipulators with all their strength show parents how they
bad and lonely, how miserable and weak they are. Causing pity they
get parents to melt and start using them.
Recall the cat from the cartoon about Shrek. He deceived the warriors by calling
their pity, and unexpectedly attacked them. Manipulating parents, children
do the same. They easily and simply ensure that parents
have done everything they need.

кот из шрека

Why is it so convenient for a child to be a victim and “push” on
a pity?

His book about the problems of human relationships
американский психолог Эрик Берн назвал «Игры, в которые
играют люди»
. In it, he describes a non-child game,
based on manipulating the pity he calls
�”Look at what you brought me to.” He talks about
the classic victim model that behave accordingly and
profitably arranged in life.

The child quickly learns that being a victim is not that bad.
Nobody blames the victim, because she is so bad. She always
right and in the spotlight with their problems. She and her pity
sympathize. The victims have an effective way of manipulating
other people, especially if they manage to cause them a sense of guilt or
awkwardness. They always count on getting easy help and
can justify their failures.

Many parents fall into psychological dependence on children,
playing the victims. This is especially true of those who have too
developed compassion for others, compassion and conscientiousness.


Children, taking the position of the victim, easily get high
grades in school. It is enough to cry at the right moment,
talk about hard family problems or your own
experiences. The main thing is that the teacher be sympathetic and
compassionate. Being in the position of sacrifice, you can easily win in
disputes and discussions. Такая фраза, как «был бы ты на моем
сразу приведет к желаемой цели. And how easy it is for a child
posing as a victim, beg any toy from the parents or

How to deal with such negative behavior in children as
manipulating pity? And whom do they imitate?

The behavior of parents is the main cause of children’s manipulation.

That parents are a good example to follow.
baby They show their lives and relationships as
need to behave. The child clearly copies the relationship model
which is inherent in the family. Parents should remember that the main
cause of childish behavior based on manipulation
pity is their own behavior.

Sometimes manipulation, as a behavior model, passes from generation
in a generation, from grandmother to mother, from mother to daughter. Before your eyes
from early childhood, behavior is demonstrated
grandmother or mom victim. Such a grandmother often crying on
his life itself “plays” on pity. Mom, having adopted such a model
behavior, can blame the father for the spoiled life, blaming him
in all their problems and regularly use such characteristic
для жертв фразу, как: «За что мне все это?». Girl,
who grows up in such a family, imitating mom and grandmother, will also
play the sacrifice and this behavior can negatively affect the whole
her future life.

If you do not want your children to grow up as manipulators, then
need to analyze their own behavior. Don’t blame
others in their problems and try to shift the responsibility
on others. Psychologists do not recommend constantly feeling sorry for themselves.
in children. Only the correct behavior of parents and their positive
mood will give the child a clear example of building healthy
family relationships without manipulating feelings.

Self-pity “grows” from childhood

В некоторых семьях с childhood ребенку прививается жалость к себе.
If the baby is really born weak and painful, then
especially grandmothers are prone to unnecessarily taking care of and
sympathize with him. They do not understand that their behavior can
hurt the baby. He can remain “pale and
little bit “, weak-willed and helpless.

Psychologists believe that pity is blind love, which
only hurts a person. In the educational process it is better not to regret
child, and teach him the manifestation of mercy. The words “pity” and
�”Mercy” are not synonymous. Pity is a rush
momentary feeling, and mercy is a state of mind. Manifestation
pity is to sympathize and do nothing, and manifestation
charity is to do something to help those who

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Hypersensitive children require special attention.

And if the child is just overly sensitive? There are children who
especially perceive the world around us. They feel keenly
injustice, vulnerable and impressionable. These are characteristic properties.
their personalities, not methods of manipulation. Such children require
increased attention, love, tranquility and affection.

Семья и отношения в ней являются эталоном для поведения baby
Real parents will do everything to become a worthy example for
their children. Психологи советуют помнить: «Что посеешь,
you shall reap. ”

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