There are no perfect moms, or secretsfrench upbringing

Do you want your children to sleep peacefully all night long?
behave at a party and at the table, let your parents be alone?
Sometimes it seems that this is an unattainable dream. However in french
families, children behave that way. American Pamela Drukerman
рассказала об их секретах в своей книге «French дети не
spit food Secrets of education from Paris. Will they take root in
your family is up to you!


1. Wait!

The French believe: children, even the smallest, should understand
that their desires are not always fulfilled upon request. When
the baby cried in the crib, the French moms are in no hurry to come up
to him this very minute. ATыдерживая некую паузу (хотя бы
a minute or two), they give him time to calm down himself.

Babies can wake up just because they change
sleep phase If at this moment they are taken on handles, it is perceived
as an invitation to chat and play, and learn to fall asleep
they will be on their own for a long time. If the child does not calm down,
pause helps mom to more accurately determine the cause of his crying: is hungry
he is either raw or his tummy is bothering. Of course, you can not bring
before the kid went into hysterics.

Thanks такой тактике французские детки быстро привыкают
sleep well all night. itму способствует и то, что дети спят в
parents’s room is only three months old, and after
placed in a separate room with the lights off, because
ночь должна ассоциироваться с темным временем суток.

The words “Wait!”, “Wait!” The French speak to their children and
other situations: at the dinner table, on a walk, during
conversation with a friend at a party. Thus, the child is given a pause for
self-solving his problem and implanted the ability to wait and
to endure These qualities are necessary for the educated person, consider
French mothers, and they need to be brought up literally from the cradle.

When ребенок не получает требуемого сию же минуту, он учится
deal with frustration. it необходимо для того, чтобы
learn to be happy. The words “Wait”, “Wait” help children
understand that there are other people in the world with their desires and

2. ATолшебные слова

Since childhood we have been teaching children to say “magic words”: “thank you”,
�”you are welcome”. For French children the same obligatory words.
are “hello” and “goodbye.” Im in the process of nurturing
perhaps even more attention is paid.

ATедь маленьким деткам бывает сложно произнести «здравствуйте»
when meeting with strangers. They Withтесняются, упрямятся, молчат
even at the request of parents. And this is understandable: “thanks” the child says
for the fact that someone did something nice for him, and “please” –
when asking for something. That is, these words are used as a request
or gratitude. Whereas greeting and farewell from the point of view
the child seems to be useless.

But French mothers think: exactly what the child says
�“Hello” and “goodbye” – an indicator of his upbringing.
Having overcome his constraint or stubbornness, the baby as it stands on one
step with adults. it знак, что он принимает законы, принятые
in the adult world, and be able to behave in a civilized way.

Allowing the toddler to neglect the simplest rule of propriety,
adults seem to give good and in violation of other rules.
Therefore, if the crumb comes to your house and does not greet, be
ready for the fact that soon he will start to walk on his head, to demand
pasta without sauce and biting the feet of the guests under the table.

Автор пишет: «Позволив карапузу войти в мой
house without greeting, I thereby launch a chain reaction: he soon
will jump on my couch, refuse to eat anything but
pasta without sauce, and biting my legs under the table for dinner.
It is enough to give the green light to non-compliance with a single rule.
civilized society like a child and everything around is fast
understand that the other rules do not have to be observed; few
In addition, they will decide that the children are unable to comply with these rules. Simple
�“Hello” to the child and others means that he can
behave in a civilized way. So, this “magic word” sets the tone.
общению между детьми и взрослыми»
. With these words it’s hard not
to agree

ЧИТАЕМ ТАКЖЕ: ATолшебство речи, или какое слово
guaranteed to cooperate with the child

3. I decide here!

The French manage to establish a clear hierarchy in the relationship.
parents and children. AT их семьях нет разделения власти с детьми.
First parents, then children. If a child forgets about it,
you can hear the phrase “I decide here!”
�”I’m in command here!”

Establishing a framework of what is permitted requires a lot of patience and strength,
but this will be better for both parents and children. When в семье растет
�”Child-king”, the life of parents can become unbearable. System
restrictions and rules needed by the children themselves, consider French
moms and dads. Have kids too many desires, behavior is subordinate
impulses. Unquestionable parental authority helps them
curb their own needs, learn self-control.

Such a system is built due to the fact that the rules and
boundaries of behavior with children are constantly spoken. They are told that
what can be done and what is impossible, and why it is impossible. And
it happens in a very polite manner.

In conversations with children, parents often use the phrase “have / not
have right”. Already at the semantic level, the child understands that
there is a system of norms of behavior for adults and children, one of
which he is currently breaking. And if he has the right to do it
no, that is, the right to something else.

Another expression used by the French mothers is “I don’t
I approve. By saying this instead of the usual “No!”, “No!”, They
emphasize that parents have an opinion with which child
must be considered. This phrase and the baby recognizes the right to
personal opinion. Disapproved behavior – his conscious
choice, but he may choose another option.

However, within the permissible framework, children are given full
freedom. They can indulge and naughty, and for this they will not
punish. The French even have words that delimit
little pranks (petites betises) and bad behavior (mauvais
comportement). Likely, therefore to resort to punishments to parents
very rarely.

4. Let them live their lives

In France, it is customary to send children from 4 years old to
children’s camps. The youngest usually leave for the village at 7-8
the days where they live, watching nature, in the fresh air. it
called “green weeks.” Older children leave for camps
any areas: theater, astronomical and others.

This gives children independence from their parents,
the opportunity to learn to overcome difficulties and rely on their
strength it один из основных принципов french upbringing.
Thanks to such trips, kids learn self-reliance, including
emotionally, self-esteem and confidence
own forces.

This is manifested in the desire to protect their children. French
parents understand that it is impossible to foresee everything. Therefore very
It is important to teach the child independence as early as possible, ensuring
necessary security.

The French approach to education recognizes the need
child in freedom. According to psychologists, it must be left
one so that he himself figured out how to act in one way or another
situations. Having every day more freedom, the baby gets
personal experience, learning to communicate with peers, to feel confident
in the world.

5. Adult time

French семьи строятся на твердом убеждении, что отношения
Moms and dads – this is the main thing in marriage. French moms say that
we do not choose children, but we choose a husband. Therefore, you need to build
relationship with a spouse, constantly fueling the passion that
glimmers in everyone.

There is such a thing – “adult time”. It comes in
eight or eight thirty in the evening when the children are sent to their rooms.
They may not go to bed immediately, they are allowed to play softly
there. Adults can rest easy, go about their business,
be alone with each other. In some families, children even in the morning
not allowed to enter the parent’s bedroom without permission.

In addition, many French couples once or twice a month spend
weekend only together, without children. They arrange themselves “honey
weekend “: send offspring to relatives, or themselves leave
somewhere it помогает укрепить отношения между супругами,
rest and miss the kids. Children, in turn, also
It is useful to rest from their parents. Meeting in a couple of days, the whole
the family feels renewed and burst of energy.

Much attention is paid to the intimate relationships of the spouses. AT
hospitals are given classes to strengthen the intimate muscles, on
which a gynecologist can refer a woman shortly after giving birth.
The doctor may also send to classes for training the press, if
a woman cannot get in shape by herself. it отражает заботу
about marital relations at the state level.

In addition, the French are easier to relate to the fact that women
Shoulders fall more care for children and home. They take it as
given, and not sawing husbands, that they help them a little. Men
perceived as a separate species, just not capable of the same
do the job well. Of course, husbands also have their own
household duties that they perform as best they can. Thanks
This worldview in French families is less quarrel on
domestic issues, and this has a positive effect on the strength of family

6. French дети не плюются едой

American Pamela Drukerman struck that French children are very
behave in a disciplined manner at the table, and they eat almost everything that
they are offered, without whims. How do they do it?

Lure in France is recommended to start with vegetables. And
parents set themselves a goal to open to the child the taste of one or another
vegetable colorfully describe it. If the baby don’t like the taste, don’t
It is necessary to insist, but you can not retreat too. Need to wait
some time and offer the same vegetable again, trying different
cooking options: steamed, grilled, with others

By about four months the food of the baby resembles a regime
an adult. That is, the baby eats about 8, 12, 16 and 20
hours And мамы-француженки утверждают, что они кормят не по
mode. ATидимо, они просто подстраиваются под ритм младенца.

AT старшем возрасте такой распорядок приема пищи сохраняется.
And во Франции не практикуется так распространенное среди детей
�”Piecemeal”. That is, snacking between breakfast, lunch and
dinner practically does not happen. Therefore, children sit at the table and eat
with appetite, without scandals and persuasion.

ЧИТАЕМ ТАКЖЕ: Правила поведения детей за столом.
Lessons of etiquette and good manners

French мамы, как и любые другие, несовершенны. They early
go to work after the birth of children, give the tots, not
reached the age of one, in the creche. They wait for a pause in
teaching the child to sleep, in the formation of food habits. They With
ease to leave children in the care of relatives and
educators, doing their own thing.

And they are too busy to suffer guilt. it чувство
often haunts mothers regardless of their national
accessories. �“I’m a bad mother,” so many of us think.
The French women instead say “Ideal moms do not happen.” it
saves them from self-blame and makes communication with their children more
alive, rich and happy.

READ ALSO: raising a child in Tibetan

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