Mom’s experience: no need to squeeze my baby!

I did not recognize my nine-month-old son! In the arms of a friend,
when he came to visit, he squirmed, whimpered, looked around in despair
to the parties. I clenched my teeth, but by the next visit of the guests
decided to prepare.

My nine-month-old son was holding a long-time girlfriend
yourself very strange. I just did not recognize my baby: he tried
Breaking away, crying, looking around in search of help. I kept
myself and did not do anything. But for the next visit of friends
decided to prepare well in advance.


The point of view of psychologists

I got into the hands of a wonderful book by Ludmila Petranovskaya under
title “Secret Reliance.” After reading it, I realized that my
child came a crisis of 1 year. Already in 8-10 months, baby can
to distinguish between “their” and “alien” and is very attached to mom. Strong
attachment to the mother leads to the fact that in the hands of someone else
human, the child begins to whimper and be naughty, demanding that his
returned to the usual “comfort zone”.

In the book I found some more interesting points: it turns out
older children can simply be unpleasant
(for example, due to the sharp smell of perfume or barbed bristles). Janusz
Korchak wrote the following lines about it:

�”These are their gentle words, strokes, squeezing and
patting, this familiarity of theirs … In embarrassment, the child is waiting when
it will end. “

And then I wondered … doubts crept into my head …

Maybe this is my jealousy?

My beloved, dear, gentle, so long-awaited child
someone dares to take on your hands! Suddenly in me maternal works
instinct, ownership and hyper desire to take care of one’s
child? Perhaps this is happening against my will?

I once again considered the situation. Was the child’s behavior
Some kind of strange, or did I think it was? After all, psychologists
They say that if a child doesn’t scream, he’s calm, smiling, with
curiosity is watching what is happening around, then the reasons for
there should be no panic, and mom should wind herself up for nothing. But in this
case of the baby really seemed to be changed: he shouted and strove
break out of my girlfriend’s hands. So I decided to work out
own action plan for the next visit of guests.

How to deal with the baby?

If the child is a little naughty, just be
not far from it. Mother’s calm is usually fast
передается и малышу: «Если мама отдала меня на ручки тёте –
значит, доверяет ей, и значит можно не волноваться»
.

If you see that the baby is close to hysterical, take it to
hands, try to calm – the little man needs
time to get used to strangers. I heard that
some children learn in the “new company” in half an hour and
followed by anger for mercy.

IMPORTANT! The most important thought I learned:
under no circumstances should you laugh, scold the child and
forcibly place him in the spotlight. So you
Show baby, that he goes from zone
security. Forcing contact with a stranger adult
– violation of the security program embedded in the head
baby

What do you need to say to the guests?

When the guests came to our house again, I advance
told them that we rarely have guests and the child is not used to
to new faces, therefore, can be capricious. Promised that
I will give each of them to talk with a crumb, but first a little
hold the child in my arms so that he can get used to it.

Also warned friends about another very important point: my
the child is independent and when he is busy with something of his own (for example,
play), at this moment he does not need to be bothered with talking and
take in your arms. If his favorite game is abruptly interrupted by strangers, he
just throw a tantrum.

Circle of trust

I remembered several recommendations from Petranovskaya how to make
так, чтобы с легкостью входить в круг доверия baby What do you need
do:

  • wave the child a bright toy, smile at him, talk to
    mom;
  • if the baby has shown interest and looked at you, be sure to be
    friendly, look in your eyes and say something
    affectionate;
  • when the child has a smile on his face, stretch his hands to him
    – if he responds and reaches out to you, feel free to take him
    take.

Мои гости с пониманием выслушали мои советы, отнеслись к
my requests with a smile and understanding and thanks to them quickly
became friends with the child. My son spent the whole evening in good
mood, laughed, talked with everyone and was not nervous. All were
satisfied and the evening went just fine!

Benefit

После первого опыта общения с незнакомыми людьми, когда
communication with my baby was traumatic, negatively affected
to the baby: his sleep was disturbed, he slept very badly and all the time
was in my arms. But after the second visit of the guests baby
made a leap in development: began to actively crawl on all fours,
memorized the names of objects and even built his first tower of
cubes.

I concluded: many parents, wanting to save
psychological comfort of your child, not invited to the house of guests
almost a year. I think this is bad: baby must know that
besides mom and dad in the world there are many people who are not
you need to be afraid and contact them. But for the behavior of guests
I answer first of all myself …

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