�”I do not want! I will not! Do not! I myself! ”- crisisof the age of three: signs of crisis and how to overcome it

Yesterday your baby was so soft and docile, and
today he is hysterical, rude for any reason, categorically
refuses to fulfill her mother’s requests. What happened to him? Rather
In all, the child entered the so-called crisis of three years.
Agree, it sounds impressive. But how do adults respond to
such childish behavior and what to do tired of whims
to parents?

The content of the article

  • 1 What you need to know about the crisis of three years?
    • 1.1 7 main signs of crisis
    • 1.2 Видео консультация: TOризис 3 Лет, 8 проявлений
      crisis. Что нужно знать to parents
  • 2 Что делать to parents?
    • 2.1 TOак справиться с капризами и истериками?
  • 3 TOак мы пережили кризис
  • 4 Games to overcome the crisis 3 years
  • 5 Psychology lessons for moms

What you need to know about the crisis of three years?

In psychological literature, a three-year crisis
call special, relatively short in time
life span of a child who is characterized by significant
changes in his mental development. TOризис не обязательно
comes on the third birthday, the average age of occurrence –
from 2.5 to 3.5 years.

�”I do not want! I will not! Do not! I myself! “
кризис 3 лет

  • The period of stubbornness begins about 1.5 years.
  • TOак правило, эта фаза заканчивается к 3,5-4 годам.
  • The peak of stubbornness accounts for 2.5-3 years.
  • Boys are more stubborn than girls.
  • Girls are capricious, more often than boys.
  • In a crisis period, bouts of stubbornness and capriciousness occur in
    children 5 times a day. Some – up to 19 times.

TOризис — это перестройка ребенка, его
growing up

The duration and severity of the manifestations of emotional reactions in
Much depends on the temperament of the child, family style of education,
features of the relationship between mother and baby. Psychologists are sure than
relatives behave more authoritarianly, the brighter and more acutely manifested
a crisis. TOстати, он может усилиться с началом посещения детского

If a недавно родители не понимали, как приучить детей к
independence, now it is too much. Фразы «я
сам», «я хочу/я не хочу»
слышны регулярно.

The child is aware of himself as an individual, with his own
desires and needs. This is the most important neoplasm of this
возрастного crisis. Thus, for such a difficult period
characterized not only conflicts with the mother and father, but also the appearance
new quality – self-awareness.

And yet, despite the apparent maturity, the crumb does not understand
how to get recognition and approval from parents. Adults
continue to treat the child, both small and insensible, and
for himself he is already independent and big. And similar
injustice makes him rebel.

7 main signs of crisis


In addition to the desire for independence, the crisis of three years has other
characteristic symptoms due to which it cannot be confused with
bad behavior and child harm.

1. Negativism

Negativism forces the kid to oppose not only mother’s,
but also my own desire. For example, родители предлагают сходить в
a zoo, and the crumb categorically refuses, although he himself really wants
see animals. The fact is that the sentences come from

Should отличать непослушание и негативные реакции. Naughty
children act according to their desires, which are often
go against the wishes of the parents. TOстати, негативизм зачастую
selective: the child does not fulfill the requests of the individual, more often
all mom, and with the rest behaves as before.


You should not talk to children in an orderly tone. If a ребенок по
attitude towards you is negative, give him the opportunity
calm down and move away from excessive emotions. Sometimes help and
просьбы наоборот: «Не одевайся, мы сегодня никуда не

2. Stubbornness

Stubbornness is often confused with perseverance. but настойчивость
is a rewarding quality that allows little
man achieve the goal, despite the difficulties. TO примеру,
finish the same house of cubes, even if it falls apart.

Stubbornness is characterized by the desire of the baby to stand on its own until the end
just because he demanded it once before. Let’s say you
They called his son for dinner, but he refuses. You begin to convince as well
он отвечает: «Я уже сказал, что не буду кушать, значит, не


Не try to переубедить кроху, потому что вы лишите его шанса
go out with dignity from the predicament. Possible exit
– to say that you leave the food on the table, and he can eat,
when hungry. This method is best used only for a while.

3. Despotism

кризис 3-х лет - деспотизм

Most often this symptom occurs in families with a single
baby He is trying to get his mother and father to do what he wants.
I want to. TO примеру, дочка требует, чтобы мама все время находилась
next to her. If a в семье несколько деток, то деспотические реакции
manifest like jealousy: the baby shouts, stomps, pushes, takes away
have a brother or sister toys


Do not give in to manipulation. And at the same time try to
pay more attention to children. They must realize that
parental attention can be attracted without scandals and tantrums.
Bring a baby to homework – cook dinner together for

4. Symptom depreciation

For a child, the value of old attachments – to people
favorite dolls and cars, books, rules of conduct. Suddenly he
begins to break toys, tear books, call names or ape
in front of grandma, pronounce rudeness. Especially since the baby’s vocabulary
constantly expanding, replenishing, including, and different
bad and even indecent words.


Поtry to отвлечь детей другими игрушками. Instead of cars
do a designer, instead of books, select drawing. More often
consider pictures on the topic: how to behave with others
by people. Just do not read the moralizing, better play
the child’s disturbing reactions in role-playing games.

5. Shyness

This unpleasant symptom of crisis is impersonal. If negativism
concerns a particular adult, the obstinacy is aimed at
habitual way of life, on all actions and objects that are native
offer baby. Often it is found in families in which
there are differences on the issue of education between mom and dad,
to parentsи и бабушкой. The kid just stops doing any


If the pussy doesn’t want to take away the toys right now, take it.
other activities – for example, draw. And in a few minutes
you will find that he himself will start putting the cars in the basket, without
your reminder.

6. Riot

A three-year-old child is trying to prove to adults that his wishes
as valuable as their own. Because of this, he goes into conflict
for any reason. TOажется, что малыш находится в состоянии
undeclared “war” with others, protesting against each of them
решения: «Не хочу, не буду!».


Try to stay calm, friendly,
listen to the children’s opinion. but настаивайте на своем решении,
если дело касается безопасности ребенка: «Нельзя играть с
a ball on the roadway! “.

7. Willfulness

Manifestation is manifested in the fact that children seek to
independence, and regardless of the specific situation and
own capabilities. The child wants to buy on their own
any product in the store, pay at the checkout, cross the road,
not holding grandma’s hand. No wonder such desires
do not cause much enthusiasm in adults.


Allow the child to do what he wants. If a
will fulfill the desired – will receive invaluable experience, if it fails –
will do next time. TOонечно, это относится лишь к тем
situations that are completely safe for children.

Видео консультация: TOризис 3 Лет, 8 проявлений crisis.
Что нужно знать to parents

Что делать to parents?

First of all, adults need to understand that children’s behavior –
This is not a bad heredity or harmful nature. your child
already big and wants to be independent. It’s time to line up with
him a new relationship.

  1. React weighted and calm. Should
    remember that the kid checks his parents nerves by his actions
    on strength and looking for weak points that can be pressed. Also
    you should not scream, to fall on the children, and even more so to punish
    physically tough methods can aggravate and prolong the course
    crisis (Why not spank a child – 6 reasons).
  2. Set reasonable limits. Not necessary
    to hammer the life of a little man with all sorts of prohibitions. but
    you should not go to the other extreme, otherwise because of permissiveness
    you risk raising a tyrant. Find the golden mean – reasonable
    boundaries beyond which it is absolutely impossible to cross. For example,
    It is forbidden to play on the road, walk in cold weather without
    headgear, miss daytime sleep.
  3. Encourage independence. Whatever not
    endangering children’s life, a child may try
    to make, even in the process of learning a few mugs break
    (Punish or not a child for random misconduct?). TOроха хочет
    draw on the wallpaper? Attach a drawing paper to the wall and give a few
    markers. Shows genuine interest in the washing machine?
    A small basin of warm water and doll clothes will distract for a long time.
    from tricks and whims.
  4. Give the right to choose. Parental
    wisdom is supposed to give even a three year old baby an opportunity
    select at least two options. For example, не натягивайте на
    him by force outerwear, and offer to go out in a green
    or a red jacket :). TOонечно, серьезные решения по-прежнему
    you accept, but in unprincipled things it is possible to concede.

ЧИТАЕМ ТАTOЖЕ: Маленькие манипуляторы: как
respond to the tricks of the child? 10 most successful children’s phrases

TOак справиться с капризами и истериками?

справляемся с капризами

In most cases, the bad behavior of three-year-olds is whims and
hysterical reactions – aimed at attracting parental
attention and getting the desired thing. TOак следует вести себя маме во
a crisis time of three years to avoid constant tantrums?

  1. Useless during affective flash explain something
    baby It is worth the wait until he calms down. If hysterical
    caught in a public place, try to take away from
    �”Public” and divert children’s attention. Remember which cat you are
    saw in the yard how many sparrows sat on a branch in front of the house.
  2. Outbursts of anger try to smooth out with the help of the game. Daughter not
    wants to eat – sit next to a doll, let the girl feed her. but
    Soon the toy will get tired of eating alone, so one spoon
    куколке, а вторая – малышке (смотрите видео в конце
  3. For the prevention of whims and tantrums during a crisis, learn
    to negotiate with the children before any action. TO
    For example, before shopping, agree on the impossibility
    acquiring expensive toys. Try to explain why you are not.
    You can buy this machine. And be sure to ask what
    baby wanted to get in return, offer your version

Чтобы минимизировать проявление истерик и
, необходимо:

  • stay calm without showing irritation;
  • provide child care and attention;
  • suggest the baby to choose the way to solve the problem
    («что бы ты сделал на моем месте?»);
  • find out the reason for this behavior;
  • postpone the conversation until the end of the scandal.

ЧИТАЕМ ПОДРОБНО: TOак бороться с детской
hysterical: advice from a psychologist

Some parents, after reading our article, will say that they don’t
observed in their three-year-old children similar negative manifestations.
Indeed, sometimes a crisis of three years proceeds without obvious
symptoms. but главное в этом периоде не то, как он проходит, а
what it can lead to. A sure sign of normal development
childish personality at this age stage – the emergence of such
psychological qualities like perseverance, will and confidence in
their strengths

Thus, a three-year crisis is absolutely
нормальное явление для взрослеющего ребенка, которое поможет
he become an independent person.
And one more important
moment – the more trusting and softer the relationship between the baby and
mother, the easier it will pass this stage. Irritation,
the categorical and shouting adults only aggravate the negative
child’s behavior.


  • TOак правильно пройти кризисные периоды детства и юности
    and foster confidence and independence in a child. Tips
    to parents
  • Mom’s experience: how we coped with the sleep crisis for the week
  • 10 reasons for poor child behavior

TOак мы пережили кризис

Games to overcome the crisis 3 years

Psychology lessons for moms

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