The word “no”, like the particle “not” is perceived by our
подсознанием часто наоборот, как бы программируя нас делать
it’s not like they ask. Children are even more susceptible to this.
impact. Sending a child to the store for bread is not necessary to say:
�”Do not forget to buy more milk”, because most likely the child will receive
the message “not.” Just say: “Buy more milk.” If say
child: “Do not take scissors!” Most likely, he wants to take them.
How important is it for parents to learn to forbid, not forbidding.
How to do it? How to stop using statements in
in a negative way?
An exciting game “Hour without interdiction”
The essence of the game is that within an hour mother
did without the words “no”, cannot ”and the particles“ not ”. To get started is
explain the rules to the baby – mom does not forbid anything, and you lead
good �“Today we have an hour without prohibitions. You know how
behave? I can not forbid you anything, and you, in turn,
Show me how old you are. I will do my own
взрослыми делами, а ты – своими». Kids exactly
like this game, because now, as it may seem to him, he
free to do what he wants, without risking being punished.
Most likely this hour will be interesting to the child, it can
и действительно вести себя хорошо, но может и проверять
родителей, правда ли вам запрещено запрещать, нарочно создавая
ситуации, в которых без запрета обойтись не получится, —
walk around the edge of the bed, for example. What to do in this case, because
did you promise to do without “no”? Nothing prevents you from doing
remark to the child, saying that doing so is dangerous. You can run up
to him with a frightened look to hedge. Say crumbs that
you were very afraid for him. The kid will understand why you
раньше не разрешали так поступать, ведь вы боитесь за него
and want to protect from harm. This approach is positive, and
direct prohibition is always perceived negatively.
It’s time to practice the day without prohibition
When the first game begins to bear fruit, gradually move
to the day without prohibiting phrases. This does not mean that now
малышу всё дозволено – отец и мама имеют право делать
remarks and pay attention to your wrong actions
детей. The main thing is to do it right without using it.
the particle “not” and the word “cannot”. How is this possible?
Допустим, сын вернулся с занятий спустя час после их завершения,
and usually the way home takes 30 minutes. Naturally parents
began to worry. Первое, что может вырваться, это: «Почему ты
не вернулся домой вовремя?» Спросив так, вы нарушите правила
his own game. Try rebuilding the phrase so that the particles do not
it was not there. Спросите ребёнка: «Почему ты
задержался?» или «Где ты был?» Попросите его в следующий раз
come home immediately after class or warn about
необходимости зайти к другу: «AT следующий раз, когда будешь
linger – call and say where and with whom you want to go.
Просто, что бы я знала и была спокойна». So you did
remark, explained that it is not necessary to do so (according to the rules of the game), and
made it clear that you are experiencing and remember that he did not come
during. The child must also understand that this is not a day.
The absence of prohibitions in the words of the parents does not mean
полную свободу действий и безнаказанность, именно это и
must learn baby. When adults do not use the words “no” and
�“No”, the upbringing does not cause protest in children
psychological level, and vice versa, encourages them to make
deeds, followed by praise of relatives. In fact
kids like to be good and to please their loved ones if they are not
make it do it. On the formation of a new habit to manage
it will take about one month without prohibitions, afterwards almost all
comments will be easy to say in a positive way.
Continually improve the skill not to ban
In order not to lose the mastery of positive instruction, one must
regularly include themselves and children in the gameplay.
Детям определённо понравится игра, по правилам которой все
family members exclude from use some words. If in
all day long try not to say some words
for example, yes, no, white or black, and in the evening
reward the winner and penalize the loser, the older children
will be delighted. To see clearly how many times made
misfire, install small tanks for each player. In them you
you will fold the penalty papers – who will have more of them,
As punishment for using forbidden words in speech
you can ask to wring out several times from the floor, wash the dishes,
eat lemon Fines should not be demeaning and impracticable.
Do not leave without encouraging the winner – then in
next time he will put even more effort into
выиграть. Such a game can get rid of bad
mood and bring family members together, so practice it more often. AT
As a result, everyone will be able to learn control your speech and this
useful for both parents and children.
We also read: 5 альтернатив слову «НЕТ»
What to do if it is impossible to manage without a ban?
There are situations when it is impossible to eliminate the ban on
some kind of action. What to do then? On this score better
take advantage of some of the rules set forth
- If inы говорите ребёнку «нельзя», обязательно сопровождайте
its detailed explanation of the reasons. Children who understand why they
it is forbidden to perform a specific act, it is easier to follow
parental instruction. We read also: how to talk to a child
- Do not use bans too often, only when
of necessity. At the same time discuss possible exceptions to the rules.
together with children. For example, a student should not leave the yard, from
visibility areas of the mother, but if you still need to go to visit a friend, about
this needs to warn adults.
- Try not to use contradictions that are important for
physical and mental development: “do not run,” “do not jump,” “not
shout, “or interested in something else.
- Never use a mandative tone in handling children
put conditions, it will cause a backlash and irritation.
A suitable form for prohibitions is friendly and explanatory.
- ATводя ограничения для детей, обязательно оговаривайте и
coordinate them with other family members so that the opinion of the parents
matched. AT противном случае ребёнок станет манипулировать
That the child learned to perceive parental
farewell, as well as to avoid unnecessary conflicts with him, take
note some more helpful tips.
- Barring something to children, follow your own rules – not
do that which is not for them;
- Keep away objects that cannot be touched to a child, –
needles, knives, scissors, drugs. Removing these things from view
baby, you do not have to forbid them to touch;
- Try to use less words – “it’s necessary”, “you should”,
pronounce the phrases so that they are easy to perceive
psychologically. For example, instead of saying, “You should
eat all the porridge “, say this:” Children who eat everything,
become strong and healthy “;
- When a baby refuses to do what he doesn’t want, provide
he has a choice, but do not put it before the fact. For example, he does not want
going outside, then don’t say straight: “We’ll go to
walk “, and ask his opinion – you will go to the park or to the nursery
pad? Children like to make decisions. Having made your choice
child willingly go for a walk. This psychological technique allows
mother to achieve the desired, without putting pressure on the baby.
Be wise, find the right approach to your
children, get rid of negative phrases and prohibitions. ATскоре вы увидите
the result – with the once uncontrollable tomboy will become much
easier to cope with.
We also read:
- How to refuse a capricious child? How to tell a child:
- what can and cannot be forbidden to a child
How to prohibit a child not forbidding – child psychologist Julia
Милованов рассказывает об этом в программе «ATсе намного проще» с ее
permanent leading Rina Korchminsky: