How to behave with a woman who lost a child:common mistakes. Opinion of the psychologist

How to communicate with a woman who has lost an unborn child. What
According to psychologists, you can not do so as not to deliver failed
mothers are still more suffering.

Most of us, seeing a suffering person in front of us,
seeks to help somehow. Especially deserve respect
women who have lost an unborn child. Sometimes they hear from
close words of consolation, which further wound the wound and
forced to suffer from cruelty and misunderstanding of others. What,
According to the psychologist, you can never do it if
suffering woman?

<p>Most of us, seeing a suffering person in front of us, seeks to help somehow. Especially deserve respect women who have lost an unborn child. Sometimes they hear from close words of consolation, which further wound the wound and forced to suffer from cruelty and misunderstanding of others. What, According to the psychologist, you can never do it if suffering woman?</p><h2>1 Обесценивать страдания</h2><p>When a woman is terminated pregnancy, surrounding, seeking утешить, часто говорят: «Успокойся, ты молодая, give birth to more! Everything will be fine, do not worry so much. Think just a few weeks is not even a child yet. ” Such фразами страдания матери как бы обесцениваются, называются несерьезными. Женщина, думая, что она преувеличивает свои страдания, перестает делиться своими переживаниями и замыкается в to myself.</p><p>Чтобы хоть как-то смягчить боль потери, следует сказать: Я I understand how it hurts you and is always ready to help. Tell me what you need.


From very good intentions sometimes it turns out very
unpleasant things.

Often I hear from crying mothers that their loved ones speak very
unpleasant, and sometimes really cruel words out of a desire to help.
Therefore, I decided to write about what exactly should not be done in
situations where a woman is near who has lost the unborn
baby

1. Devalue suffering

When a woman is terminated pregnancy, surrounding, seeking
утешить, часто говорят: «Успокойся, ты молодая, здоровая,
give birth to more! Everything will be fine, do not worry so much. Think
всего несколько недель – это даже не ребенок еще»
. Such
phrases mother’s suffering as if depreciated, in fact
declared unimportant and frivolous. It’s easier not to
becomes perfect. Often, after such support, the woman thinks
that she exaggerates her sufferings, therefore she may experience
blame, ceases to share their experiences and closes in
to myself.

Чтобы хоть как-то смягчить боль потери, следует сказать: «Я
I understand how it hurts you and is always ready to help. I can
stay close if you want. Скажи, что тебе нужно»
. it
instill confidence in a woman that close people are nearby,
capable of supporting.

2. To demand to stop crying

Many women in difficult situations need
cry out Nature knowingly gave us this ability – to cry.
Tears help people cope with the storm of feelings inside. Crying out
the pain gets a little easier, the pain goes out,
relieved muscle tension and anxiety. Those who ask
a person who has lost a child, stop crying (“Well, don’t cry,
tears will not help with grief ”, etc.), they force him to suffer
stronger. This pain can not be kept in itself, it accumulates
inside, begins to break the soul, and then transforms into
various psychosomatic diseases.

женщина плачет


If a woman is crying, you just need to be nearby, file
on time handkerchief, bring a glass of water or drip valokordin. Not
worth saying nothing, enough silent help and
support

3. Climb with questions

Sometimes a grieving person comes down with questions, asking
tell some details and details, remember how and why
misfortune happened. Such curiosity should be pacified, especially
when a woman is in a period of acute grief (in the first hours and
day after the tragedy). Лезть с расспросами не просто
useless, and even dangerous.

At this time, the woman seemed to sink into the abyss of grief,
divorced from reality and trying to cope with what is on her
fell over. Requests to tell about the details of what happened only
they will pour oil on the fire and rend the wounds.

The main thing is not to let the failed mother get caught up in her grief and
help her get back to life. For this you need to be
next to help if necessary. Suffering woman
need help in domestic matters, feed with hot food and be
beside.

4. To say that someone is worse than her

The phrase that someone in the world is worse off will not help a woman
пережить собственное огромное горе из-за потери baby
Sayings that “Maria Petrovna is getting pregnant for 15 years
cannot ”,“ Vera Ivanovna recently lost her husband ”,“ And some people
generally live without arms and legs “, do not calm the woman, but only
devalue her own loss. it тоже относятся к разряду
depreciation, but already more cruel. it жестокость по
relation to the suffering mother and will cause her only shame for her
state.

Perhaps a woman will stop crying and even begin to live normal.
life, but her unexplained pain, frozen with shame
inside and will begin to undermine her body and affect the physical and
психическое state. The most correct behavior is to say
a woman that her tragedy is huge and she has the right to suffer
as much as necessary.

женщина-потеряла-нерожденного-ребенка


5. Be indifferent

Sometimes it seems to us that if you do not pay attention, do not touch
man, he quickly cope with the experiences. If some
people try to cause the suffering mother to be frank, then others
hit the other extreme – show complete indifference. Them
it seems that this way a person will be able to cope with their experiences faster.
But indifference hurts no less than the constant imposition of its
service and excessive curiosity.

If everyone around pretends like nothing happened,
a woman who survived a tragedy becomes frightened – she cannot
understand why everyone it remains as before … a suffering woman can
cover the feeling of hopelessness and complete loneliness. They are like
as if they become invisible to loved ones, but to grieve in isolation,
where no one will touch, put a hand on his shoulder and not offer
Scarf, very scary.

Женщине, недавно потерявшей  нерожденного ребенка,
need to talk about your sympathy, empathy. Tell her about
your feelings, tell me you understand her grief, sympathize and
any moment ready to help. Be sensitive.

Why do you need support

Notкоторые люди не понимают, в чем смысл support Them кажется,
that it does not matter, since it is impossible to return the child. But
the meaning of support is not that a woman is cured,
stopped experiencing heartache, cry and suffer. And she in
to be close to a person, even when he is so bad.
Not отворачиваться, не пытаться исправить положение, не убрать из
hear her, and accept, listen, if necessary, cry
beside. A woman must feel that they are near her
close people, she is not lonely and can bump into someone’s shoulder.

Sometimes they tell me that you can cry endlessly. But, к
Fortunately, it is not. Free running pain, coming out of tears,
angry and sad, has a habit of running out and bringing with
a valuable experience.

Not нужно думать, что при таком поощрении женщина будет страдать
infinitely. Even pain and heartache has a certain limit. AND
the stronger they go out, the sooner the woman will return
to life.

We also read: 

  • How to survive a miscarriage: tips psychologist
  • The experience of the mother who survived a miscarriage

Video stories of women who have experienced a miscarriage

My unsuccessful pregnancies. Miscarriage and frozen
pregnancy

Dedicated to mothers who lost their children …

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