From the practice of the psychologist: why we shout atchildren?

Many moms can’t control their emotions.
They come to the psychologist with complaints that they can no longer
endure the antics of children, do not stand up and start screaming. Moms
feel guilty promise themselves to be balanced but
sooner or later they break down again and react very emotionally.
Психолог Людмила Семёнова согласилась рассказать, почему
Moms scream at their children.


  • Mom screams when she’s tired

As a practicing psychologist, I noticed that breakdowns in a cry often
happen when mom is tired. Communication with children and homework
very tired, and not only physically. Especially dangerous
psychological fatigue.

A good mother has many responsibilities. She must
take care of healthy food, beautiful and clean clothes for
kid, about the lessons learned in time. Mom makes to herself and her
duties too high requirements and overworked. Her
oppress all these “must”.

I want to explain with an example. Mama Vanya
Tatiana came to me for help. Ten-year Vanya is very lazy.
The boy does not make his bed, does not wash the dishes or even
puts it in the sink. He does not hang clothes in the closet, but throws them like
horrible. Tatiana calmly explains to her son every day that a plate
need to be washed, clothes should be carefully hung. But tomorrow everything
repeats. Is it possible not to get angry and not to shout if
son constantly has to clean up and everything for him
to finish?

What do you need to do? You need to stop doing it for the child.
work You don’t have to clean the bed of a ten year old boy, not
must wash his dishes. All this Vanya can and should do
myself. Another thing he really does not want, laziness. If you all will
do for vanya, he will never change. Your duty is
not to control whether Vanya did well what
should. You need to help Vanya want to change.

I advised Vanina’s mother to have a little patience and not
interfere in the case: do not hang clothes in the closet, do not wash it
a plate. The very next day Vanya realized that his jacket and pants
hopelessly wrinkled, but he wanted to look tidy! In the morning to him
I still had to wash the plate, because it was not breakfast
what Teachers are increasingly cursing Vanya for untidy appearance, classmates
they began to laugh at him. Vanya decided to perform
duties. Not everything worked out for him, often laziness overcame desire
be neat, good boy. But Tatiana waited patiently and not
reminded about a suit, about plates. About a month lasted a struggle Vanya
With myself. But with his mother’s help he defeated his laziness.

  • Mom screams when mad at someone

Not always the cause of my mother’s scream in the disobedience of the child. Sometimes
disobedience of the child is only a reason for a surge of aggression and
dissatisfaction. If mom is angry at dad, unhappy with him, then
she can start screaming because of any little thing.


I will tell about a case from my practice. On
Reception came Veronica, mother of five Margaret. Girl usually
obedient and balanced, trying to fulfill all my mother’s requests. But
Veronica still often finds fault with her because of trifles.
It turned out that Veronica with her husband and daughter lives in the same apartment with
in-law. The family has no opportunity to live separately, and the relationship between
women do not add up. Veronica is tired of endless quibbles
mother-in-law, often annoyed, but breaks down on his daughter, instead of
того чтобы наладить отношения со in-law. Veronica is angry at
mother-in-law, and scolds her daughter, although she did nothing

  • Mom screams when she feels

It seems illogical, because the guilty person should not be
aggressive. But часто вина провоцирует крик, который является
protective reaction mom.

Here is a good example from my practice.
Yevgenia, a thirteen-year-old mother, approached me for advice.
Lily. The girl dreamed of going to the summer camp
holidays. Mom was totally against the trip, anxiety is not
left her. Eugenia was one of those moms who worry all the time.
about the health of children, their safety and just what they think: “I’m bad
Mama”. In the end, Eugene gave way to the requests of her daughter. In the camp
Lily broke her arm. Евгения считала себя guilty в случившемся.
She began to take care of her daughter even more, trying not to let go anywhere
she was angry and screaming alone for any reason. Eugene thought that
She is a bad mother, since she could not save her daughter’s health. Once
she understood that the situation was getting out of control that she was like
mom can’t help, was getting angry. Lily’s mom didn’t understand that
сердится, потому что чувствует себя guilty и беспомощной в
this situation.

  • Mom screams when she can’t be realized in others
    spheres of life

A woman is not enough to be a good mother. So it is arranged,
that he wants to achieve a lot in his profession, in personal relationships,
But you never know what else. If mom is only a child, she
feels that the baby limits it. After all, she is a good mother, but there is
a lot of prejudice, what a good mother does not should (not
should hire a nanny for a child, should not give the baby to kindergarten
before three years, should not leave him crying in the crib …)

Here is a situation typical of many young people.
Sveta gave birth to her daughter Julia at the age of 18. Now Yulia is already
5, but Sveta still cannot graduate and get
the desired profession. She tried several times to give Julia to the kindergarten,
but the girl is sick so often that doctors advised to keep her until
schools at home. The family does not have the opportunity to hire a nanny, there are no nearby grandmothers
and grandpas. So Sveta has to sit with Julia at home all the time.
Mom understands that my daughter is not guilty of anything, but she is irritated,
screaming at Julia for nothing. Light perceives Julia as a hindrance
limiting her freedom. The girl doesn’t want to be a “bad mom”, but
she lacks the strength to be “good.”

There are other reasons that moms shout at their
favorite and desirable children. If this happens often, if you
no strength to endure the mischief of a child if you break down and get annoyed
– look for the cause. Why are you really angry? You’re tired,
afraid for a child or feel guilty? Or maybe you
it seems that you are wrong?

ЧANDТАЕМ ТАКЖЕ: Что мне делать, если я постоянно
screaming at your child?


10 tips to stop shouting at your children

Do not forget about the main thing: you are a good mother. We all
we are mistaken, irritated, tearing anger at others. Can’t always
behave correctly. But вы хотите быть хорошей, волнуетесь о
happiness of your baby and love it. You just need to think about
that in your relationship with your child you can change for the better. AND
always love him!

How not to scream at the child:

не понимаем своих детей

  • 10 things to learn from children
  • 25 tips on how to raise a child in love and peace
  • Top of 10 parental mistakes in parenting
    детей —
    ДЕТЕЙ —
  • How to strengthen your relationship with children for 5
    минут —

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