Friendly family will roll mountain, or how to overcomedifferences in raising a child

Sooner or later, any family faces disagreements.
in the process of raising children. The reasons for the differences in certain
parenting issues are rooted in their families, as well as in characters
husband and wife. It is very important for the spouses to be able to negotiate and
develop uniform requirements for the child. This will help baby
form clear moral principles and beliefs. How to overcome
disagreements and learn to cooperate? This will go


It seems that quite recently you brought your baby from the hospital. AND
he is not a child at all, but a fully formed man with
your desires and feelings. The time comes when the child begins
show disobedience, demonstrate stubbornness and even roll up

During this period, many parents face serious
a problem. AND она даже не в том, как именно реагировать на детские
misconduct. Mom and Dad, the main educators, views on methods
upbringing may not be the same, or even radically different. Often in
family because of this even inflame real conflicts.

Why is unity between parents important in upbringing?

I will give a classic example. Probably everyone was watching the situation
when the child asks the child to buy some toy, sweetness
(no matter what exactly) that does not fall into the parental plans.
How do parents react to this?

  • Someone (most often moms) are trying to calm the toddler, switch
    his attention, quickly leave the store;
  • Others (usually dads) are ready to buy anything, just to
    stop hysterical and screaming child;
  • Still others (also more than dad) menacingly move their eyebrows and strict
    voice to pronounce the kid that this behavior is unacceptable.
    Perhaps, at home, the child is also waiting for severe punishment.


The situation can be even more tense if mom and dad choose
different tactics. Tell you a secret: often children’s tantrums in the store
caused by the fact that from one of the parents the crumb has already received such
way desired. Therefore, he sincerely does not understand why
next time he does not buy the treasured thing.

Читаем также: «Воспитываю, как считаю
necessary! ”or 5 myths of education

How dangerous are disagreements between parents for a child?

When there are no uniform requirements for a child in a family, it is obligatory
will affect his inner world. When one permits, and the other for
it scolds, the baby does not have clear concepts that
good and bad, what is possible and what is not.


This can cause increased anxiety, because the child is constantly
is in uncertainty and waiting – will punish or praise him
for a specific act. ANDли, наоборот, малыш учится хитрить и
manipulate. Dad punished for wrongdoing – mom will regret and
perform the desired.

Читаем также: маленькие манипуляторы или как
children manipulate us

It is especially sad when the contradictions between adults go over
in open confrontation. The child becomes a hostage
parental conflicts. He wants to be good for everyone, and this
is impossible. Therefore, the baby can not choose a single line of conduct,
form your own moral principles. This may cause
health problems: fears, neurosis, depression.

What is the reason for the differences between the parents?

The reasons for disagreement between parents in matters of upbringing can
be a lot. Here are 2 main ones:

  1. Differences in parenting styles of families in which they grew up
    mother and father.
    Many of us project the methods that
    we saw in the parental family, on their own children.
  2. Различия в характерах родителей. For example,
    hard, strong-willed, energetic father tends to be angry if
    the child has done something wrong. And mother, by her nature, is gentle and kind,
    seeks to forgive the baby, indulges whims.

Such reasons inevitably cause differences in views
nurture siblings. ANDх невозможно устранить, ведь это личные
especially husband and wife, and this is not going anywhere. But very
important and sometimes necessary for the good of the child and family to be able to
coordinate your points of view. Agree – it means not
get your spouse to share your opinion and listen and understand the point
view another. AND только с учетом двух мнений выработать единую
line of education.

Читаем также: 7 ошибок воспитания, которые
prevent children from succeeding

Learning to negotiate

What to do if parents have different views on issues
bringing up your own child? Need to learn to negotiate.
How to do it?


  1. Speak, discuss different opinions
    не накапливая. After all, without talking heart to heart
    difficult to negotiate.
  2. Для обсуждения используйте нейтральное время.
    Neutral time is 10-15 minutes of conversation, when no one goes anywhere
    in a hurry, both parents are in a balanced state, not
    screwed up with mutual claims.
  3. Если вы сильно взволнованы, раздражены — отложите
    conversation until you are ready to calmly listen to each other
  4. Always remember: if the husband (wife) has a different point of view, he
    does not act to spite you. Просто он – другой человек, со
    their principles and beliefs.
  5. Close people do not always have to think the same, but they are very
    useful to learn to respect and accept opinions
  6. Never find out the relationship in the presence of
    , тем самым вы подрываете родительский авторитет в
    his eyes. It is very important for him to know that mom and dad are alone
  7. Не допускайте обвинений в адрес супруга «Вот,
    admire your upbringing. ” This causes a feeling of guilt and
    the desire to defend. Well, the best defense is attack.
  8. Не втягивайте в свои разногласия третьих лиц
    Grandparents, girlfriends. By this you only aggravate the situation.
  9. Do not allow one parent
    (чаще папа) устранился от процесса воспитания (как привлечь
    husband to raise a child).
    Both are needed
    parents, and even in the care of the baby, the father must have his

Neither family can do without the ability to negotiate:
to coordinate their opinions have to constantly. It is important that
It was done in an atmosphere of cooperation and mutual respect. Seeing it
the child will feel a reliable rear, learn understanding on
your example. And tantrums and whims will remain in the past.

Читаем также: Что можно, а что нельзя
запрещать ребенку и читаем интересную статью о том как
communicate with a naughty child – the story of one family.

What if parents have different approaches in raising a child?
Conversation with a psychologist

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