How often this occurs among parents: naughty
the child refuses to impute your arguments, and literally on the go you
coming up with some scary phrase. In theory, it should be stepped down.
baby, make you think again and calm down. But what really
happens in the mind of your own child, when he hears in
очередной раз от раздраженной матери «Перестань, иначе я больше
I will not love you! ”or“ Do as I say, do not throw you away
прямо на улице и уйду!» – как часто ребенок слышит эти
the words. Does he perceive them as an adult? Understanding or fear
– what will save the child from danger?
An experienced psychologist reveals all the dangers of this method.
manipulating your child. And warns: such phrases can
seriously undermine your parental authority! Why same
bullying often leads to the opposite result and how
find him a reasonable replacement?
�“I’m already tired of your seizures! Now stop yelling!
Otherwise, I will leave you here and go home myself! Do you hear me? I will quit
you and go! You already bored me, no strength! ”- was heard in the middle
streets, and in response came more and more piercing children
– Please tell me in such a typical situation because
is every mother?
— Да, действительно, такую картину на улице можно лицезреть
often. Parent, tired and irritated, drags almost
his stubborn child, and he yells more and more. Intimidation
It turns out to be not effective, and the adult from the powerlessness itself is barely like
holding back tantrum and tears.
– And how to interrupt this crazy cycle? How are you
experienced child psychologist, what advice can you give
— Остановитесь, глубоко вдохните, попытайтесь recover.
Try to distance yourself from your irritation and realize that your
anger will lead nowhere. On the contrary, the more scorching
an adult – the more the child becomes nervous. Only
out of this situation – try to look at yourself with your eyes
your own child. He’s not just falls into
nervous fit and refuses to obey. So something to this
led some chain of events upset him. It may be that he
even just tired. Or ему жарко, не комфортно в своей одежде. Even
relatively older children can not always understand the reason for their
nervous tension. There is no ability to analyze events and
find in them some important essence. Therefore it is important to exercise
patience. The child can not answer what happened to him and why he
so upset, but that does not mean that there is no reason. You –
Adequate and adult, responsible parent. If a от
child is not possible to achieve a clear answer, then
stop tyrannizing him. Just accept the thought that at the moment
he is insane And it is completely absurd to begin to oppress even more.
child, bullying or offending him.
– What do you need to do?
– Take the baby in your arms and hug it. Pull to yourself
take pity and calm. Give him some time to get nervous
tension began to fade. Any tantrum and massive fountain
children’s tears – is an attempt to relieve stress. Let off steam if
whatever Every person needs periodic discharge, especially
after a hard day or recently experienced unpleasant situations. Your
the child is no exception. He is not yet able to help himself
on their own. And not every adult is able to control
your emotions in moments of moral depression, physical
fatigue. It is foolish to demand this from a small child.
– That is, the parental response to such behavior
child should be caress and calm?
– Exactly. Only in this case the child can calm down
– And if you continue to pull him out, scold and try
– First, the child will hysteria more. Eventually
will have to apply physical punishment, almost always by this
everything ends. Secondly, the bad mood of the parent will be
provided. For a long time! Because even at home the child will not immediately begin
calm down. Most likely, the mood of your child will be capricious
and bad right up to the moment of going to bed. Who is it
Thirdly, the child will draw simple conclusions that
moments when he feels bad, mom (or dad) aggravates his situation.
Simply put, trusting relationships with your child in
the consequence will be impossible. And more: children can seriously
be concerned about the strength and stability of your love. If a
Mom is constantly threatening to leave the child on the street or not to pick it up from
kindergarten – but does she love him at all? This is very negative
affects the relationship.
“But these intimidations are invented.” All these threats are
it’s just an attempt to stop childish tantrums. Aren’t the children of this
do you understand?
– Not always. Ребенка могут смутить родительские the words. TO
Moreover, in some way, this is the most real lie. You
personally show the child a bad example. You прибегаете ко
lies to manipulate and achieve the desired. Children can
adopt such psychological techniques. And use in the future
them even against you!
– It seems that the public hysteria of the child
– is it an indicator of a bad mom?
– No, I do not seek to offend the parents. But precisely they
responsible for their children. And often they don’t even want
try to understand them, learn to look for compromises. Very stupid
respond to children’s whims with your own screams. Is not it?
When an adult falls to the level of a three year old child,
who stomps her feet on the floor in the kindergarten dressing room is like
least strange. (читаем также: как
respond to children’s whims)
�”When my child suddenly begins to be naughty,
becomes whiny and does not make contact, then I just go down
in front of him on my knees, stretching my arms and hugging. I show that I
friend and you can always rely on me. And that I don’t need anything
explain. And any tantrum instantly fades away. ”
– In words, everything is quite simple. But you can
Do you learn it the first time? It seems to me that enough
difficult to control yourself when you come for a child in
kindergarten after a hard day’s work, and he is taken from the doorway
scream, fall to the floor and cry?
– Of course, this is the main nuance. If a
you yourself are annoyed and in a bad mood, then much
it is harder to calmly respond to the sudden whims of your child.
But think about this at such moments: it is possible that your child
Today was experiencing not the best day? You as an adult
man, it is easier to suppress their negative emotions. A tense
The psyche of a child explodes suddenly. Understand your child could all
day in kindergarten to struggle with their dejected condition, but here
He sees you, the most dear and close person. And here it happens
a surge of emotion due to accumulated stress. What would
did you want at such a moment?
– Probably just to be comforted and
– Your child also needs it. But he can’t
analyze your mental state and will not be able to produce
such a long logical chain, in the end to tell you: “Mom,
I am very tired today and I feel bad, and also to our group
a nurse came in and took a blood test from a finger. All this is strong
upset me, because I feel nervous tension. Hug me and
do something so I can calm down. ”
The child just feels strong discomfort, and the appearance
parent serves as a powerful catalyst. Here begins a tantrum
uncontrollable tears. With such a flow, the child alone
impossible to handle. Just understand that at such a moment your
damn very bad. And take pity.
– And what happens to children if at such moments
parent does not come to the rescue?
– The child begins to think that he is all alone. He can
withdraw into yourself. He will try to get comfort from you once
second third. It is possible that in these stages of new attempts it
hysterics will be aggravated and reach its peak. But then he
aware of the futility of their actions. Not immediately, of course.
– And then what?
– You just lose your child. He will learn to manage
without you. If a он не мог рассчитывать на ваше понимание в глубоком
childhood, then with the advent of adolescence, this alienation
aggravated even more.
�”I knew a girl who even in adulthood was hiding
offense at her mother for having left her at the nursery one day
polyclinics. The girl was afraid to vaccinate and gave a tantrum.
under the doctor’s office. Mom found nothing better than start screaming
at the frightened child, and she also struck her. And then turned and
silently walked away. Surprisingly, the girl remembered this incident on
– So it’s not so easy to be patient and
loving parent. There are some rules so that you can quickly
to learn this?
– In fact, there is nothing complicated about it. Try hard
think not only about yourself. At the time of child disobedience the parent
fixes only on its internal sensations. He feels
anger, annoyance, irritation. And it completely absorbs it, but about
for some reason he forgets the child’s feelings and condition.
– Well, then how are things to teach
child seriously wary of something? Like a fire? Or
strangers? If a метод запугивания — это неподходящий
– Of course, talking about possible dangers is necessary.
But not in a depressing way and without horrific embellishments. I had
a patient who painted an eight-year-old child in all colors
nightmares that occur on highways. Even
showed him pictures of car accidents, videos in the news
tapes. It seemed to him that his child would be so
protected, will cross the road strictly to green.
And one day the class teacher called from the school and said
that their son is constantly late for classes. Parents arranged
the child was reprimanded during which it turned out that the student
afraid to cross the road even to the green light. One view
motor road horrified him, the child was standing at the traffic lights
for half an hour, gathering courage and drenching in cold sweat.
Читаем также: 10 предосторожностей,
which parents need to educate their child
– Scare the child by giving him to an orphanage for
disobedience is a terrible taboo?
– Naturally. Like to say that you stop loving.
And any phrases in a similar way. This will not teach the child anything, but
– It turns out that the main thing is to try to be a child.
first and foremost a friend, do not lie to him or ignore his inner
– Exactly! Show more indulgence. And learn
intuitively understand when your child is hard or ill to
time to come to the rescue. Then the reasons for the tantrums are not
Читаем также: почему ребенок не слушается и что
Child’s obedience through bullying