Children’s caprice or egoism: the one is differentfrom another?

Selfishness is inherent in every person from birth. Can
to say that selfishness lies in human nature itself. And once
so, the original egoistic traits appear in
людях с самого детства. Newly born baby – already
egoist. When he is naughty, screams and cries – it can be considered
первичными признаками selfishness.

The content of the article

  • 1 Read more about children’s moods.
    • 1.1 For the whims followed by children’s tantrums …
  • 2 how родители помогают ребенку стать эгоистом
    • 2.1 Stages of childish egoism
  • 3 How to resist children’s whims and tantrums
    • 3.1 How to overcome childish egoism
    • 3.2 A few words as a result
    • 3.3 My child is selfish, the advice of a psychologist
  • 4 Мамина школа: Единственный ребёнок — эгоист?

ребенок эгоист

Although, according to psychologists’ assurances, childish capriciousness is not yet
selfishness as such, but only a normal reaction of the child, with
through which he demands attention. In other ways he
yet not able to communicate with the world around him. AND здесь очень
It is important that the child does not cross a certain line beyond which
ends natural childish capriciousness and begins the most
real childish selfishness. This line is very unsteady and conditional:
to cross it is easy, to go back is almost impossible.

Read more about children’s moods

ANDтак, детские капризы – это, большей частью, еще не эгоизм, а
only a way to communicate with the outside world. Main reasons
children’s whims are known to every experienced parent:

  • The child begins to act up because he feels
    uncomfortable: he didn’t sleep, he was hot or cold, he
  • He can act up when something hurts him, rises
    fever, nauseous – that is, the child is sick;
  • A crumb needs emotional communication with his parents, he wants
    so that they took him in their arms, talked and played with him;
  • He may also be naughty, being far from his mother (for example,
    in kindergarten, with grandmother, aunt, etc.);
  • The child does not understand how to behave in the family. it случается,
    when one of the parents behaves excessively strictly with the baby, and
    the other, on the contrary, is too soft. In this case, the child cannot
    to develop their own line of conduct, and therefore capricious;
  • With the help of moods, the child reacts to an overly harsh
    parent “can not.” In nature, every child laid
    the desire to explore the world around us. Overly strict
    parental prohibitions inhibit this natural childish pursuit.
    Trying to resist parental restrictions, the baby begins
    be capricious;
  • Children’s whims all ends when parents
    wrong about the child’s attempts to do anything
    on their own. For example, the baby says the classic “I myself!” And
    he tries to eat porridge on his own, without knowing how to hold a spoon. AT
    In principle, parents should encourage in every way the desire of the child to
    independent action, and they, on the contrary, rob him
  • Capriciously, a child can and when the family observed
    some disagreements and quarrels. Say dad quarrels with mom, seniors
    brothers and sisters are in conflict with each other, mom scolds older brother
    и т. д. ATариантов здесь может быть множество. Such conflicts
    usually scare the kid, instill in him the uncertainty, he stops
    understand his place and role in the family and does not know how to behave.
    Hence the whims.

Of course, there may be other reasons for children’s
whims.  ANDногда капризы могут быть связаны с возрастной
психологией baby AT других случаях они могут являться протестом
on the wrong actions of parents. And sometimes a children’s whim is
уже первичное проявление детского selfishness.

We also read: how реагировать и бороться с
the whims of a child (child from birth to 1 year)

The whims are followed by children’s tantrums …

If a постоянно игнорировать детские капризы, то очень скоро они
can develop into a full-fledged childish egoism. Perhaps the most bright
manifestation of childish egoism are hysteria. Everyone probably
seen and knows what it is. Having been refused something, the child
starts crying loudly, screaming, throwing objects, beating elders,
destroy everything that comes to hand, roll on the ground, sometimes
injure yourself.

On the assertions of psychologists, children’s tantrums have their own
logics. ANDногда истерика может быть психологической реакцией малыша,
who is thus trying to make it clear that he needs
support from adults. That is, he psychologically
начинает чувствовать себя настолько дискомфортно, что intuitively
forced to resort to at least – hysterical. At the same time, such
behavior can be like a child from a completely prosperous family,
and that baby who grows up in a dysfunctional family.

However, for the most part, a child’s tantrum is
other reasons. Often in this way the child tries
manipulate adults. That is, he wants to subordinate them to his
influence and get from them all that he wishes. ANDстерика – это
a kind of “trial ball” by which children intuitively
determine how adults, as they say, lead on their
requirements. In fact, hysteria is the brightest manifestation of childish

That’s why a child’s tantrum is always a play on
public. Having been refused a “want”, the child proceeds to
action. The more attention to a hysterical child, the
longer and more colorful are children’s hysterical fits. AND
on the contrary: if in this case the child is not paid attention, he
very soon calms down on its own. ANDнтуитивно он понимает,
that this way of influencing adults did not bring success, but
it means you have to look for other ways.

We also read:

Causes of hysteria in children of different ages. how
to prevent a tantrum in a child? Tips for a psychologist how to handle
with children’s tantrums

how родители помогают ребенку стать эгоистом

Alas, but it is: often parents, without knowing it and not
wanting to help ensure that their child grew up selfish. First of all,
This is due to improper parenting.
Secondly, due to some specific character traits of the parents.
Here are some of the most common parental errors.
because of which a child can grow into a deeply egoist:

  • Parental love, which is called
    Mostly “blind” love their
    children of single mothers. However, there is “blind” love in full
    families. �“Blind” love is the performance by parents of all children
    whims and desires, both beneficial to the child and harmful. it
    detrimental effect on the immature childish psyche. Because of
    �“Blind” parental love the child very soon becomes
    a complete egoist. «Кстати, большая часть опасных
    criminals and maniacs in childhood were corrupted by the “blind”
    родительской любовью»
  • Excessive parental care. Essentially, this
    kind of still the same “blind” love. Baby need
    provide reasonable autonomy. If a же родители
    strive to do everything for the child (sometimes it can go on
    right up to his majority) then this also makes him
  • The child lacks sincere parenting
    For normal development children need constant
    contact with parents – both physical and spiritual: hugging,
    stroking the head, kisses, affectionate look. If a этого нет,
    then the child can withdraw into himself. ANDли – требовать всего этого с
    using hysterics and other selfish devices;
  • Parents themselves are selfish.
    It is well known that the child tries to imitate his parents. AND
    if mom or dad (or both at the same time) are selfish,
    then, imitating them, the child himself becomes the same;
  • Excessive stimulation of the child, encouraging him
    good behavior.
    Often parents, acting like them
    themselves, out of good intentions, encourage every good
    the act of their children: money, gifts, other actions,
    who like a child. Very soon, the child begins to understand
    such parental logic, and tries to appear good only then
    when he hopes to get reward for this. Be a good “on demand”
    – это разновидность selfishness;
  • The impact of external information sources on
    Not only parents bring up the child, but also
    the world in which the child lives. It used to be called “street influence”.
    Now – most of the information the child receives from the TV,
    интернета, фильмов и пр. If a родители не уделяют этому
    sufficient attention and, as they say, do not filter the resulting
    child’s information, this may also lead to
    the child will eventually become an egoist.

Stages of childish egoism

Children’s egoism can be divided into stages – in accordance with
возрастом baby

  1. The first stage starts from birth and lasts up to about 3 years.
    itт этап можно назвать «естественным эгоизмом». In this age
    the child, as it may, demands the satisfaction of his natural
    needs: to be fed, swaddled, washed, warmed,
    cured. There is nothing terrible in such egoism.
  2. The second stage of the development of children’s egoism coincides with the preschool
    возрастом baby In this age ребенок может считать себя едва
    Do not the center of the universe and demand rigorous execution
    all their whims. If they fail, he can start
    hysterics and other inappropriate forms of behavior. Especially
    It happens when a child is improperly raised.
  3. Третий этап – это школьный возраст baby Baby gets into
    a new world for him, where he somehow has to fight for
    place in life and prove to others your role in this world. To become
    an egoist is much easier than loving your neighbor. AND если
    the child got into this world, being already an egoist, then in this case his
    selfishness will only get stronger. What will certainly affect his
    relationship with parents, worsening such a relationship.

Ребенок эгоист и лентяй: Почему дети становятся
selfish, do not want to help, do not spare their parents, not
understand. Where does the consumer come from? attitude to
of life?

How to resist children’s whims and tantrums

Of course, with children’s whims, and, especially, tantrums should
fight. ANDначе из ребенка почти наверняка вырастет закоренелый
an egoist who can harm not only himself but also those
who will be with him. But to fight, you need to understand the reasons. ANDх
maybe a few:

  • Children’s moods can occur due to fatigue, poor
    state of health, due to uncomfortable clothing, the environment, 
    hypersensitivity to any manifestations of nature:
    light, smell, color, sounds;
  • If a child has tantrums when he is with someone
    specifically adults, it means he is most likely uncomfortable
    it is with this adult. This usually happens when
    the child is left alone with an adult who is almost all
    prohibits, while some other adult, on the contrary, all
    allows (Friendly family will move mountain, or how to overcome
    differences in the upbringing of the child);
  • If a child’s tantrums occur frequently, then it can speak
    that he has something wrong with the nervous system.

Knowing the basic conditions under which a child goes into hysterics,
it is easy to determine how it can be resisted, and better – how it

  • If the parents see that their child is ready to go into hysterics, then
    try to shift his attention to some other topic.
    Moreover, it should be done calmly, sympathetically and benevolently,
    in no way turning to screams, threats, and punishment;
  • It is necessary to clearly and clearly make the child understand what is possible for him and what
    can not. In no case не следует «нельзя» и «можно» менять
    places and give in to the requirements of the child;
  • When a child is naughty or hysterical, it should not
    leave him alone. ATместе с тем, не надо его утешать (тут
    зависит от причины истерики, читаем ниже
    ), поднимать с пола,
    otherwise, the child may perceive this as a manifestation of the parent
    weakness, and then the situation may worsen. The most correct in
    This situation – to continue to do some business of their own, while
    watching the baby. Usually, the child eventually realizes that
    this way he will not achieve anything and on his own
    calms down.
  • However, children’s tantrums can be on different occasions.
    For example, if a child goes into hysterics because there is no
    his mothers (and this is a fairly common case), then,
    Apparently, it would be better to regret him and assure that mom will soon
    will be. It’s wiser to do the same thing if, say, a child fell, and
    it hurts him. ANDли – если его несправедливо обидел какой-то
    stranger. ANDли – когда он чего-то или кого-то испугался.
    In all these cases, the baby, apparently, will quickly calm down if his
    hug, regret and express sympathy to him;
  • After the child calms down, you need to talk to him “by
    souls “, explaining to him that he behaved badly and so behave
    can not.

Of course, this is not all recommendations. Here the main thing is to give
the child clearly understand that no matter how naughty he is,
than he will not give up. If he does not explain this, then most likely he
and will continue to try in this way to manipulate
parents. But if he understood and, moreover, stopped such
your behavior, you should definitely praise it.

We also read: how бороться с детской
hysterical: advice from a psychologist

How to overcome childish egoism

It would be great if parental efforts to eradicate
child selfishness had success. And if, as they say, “train
gone”? Selfishness is a human feeling that does not stand on
place, expands, deepens and eventually captures the person
wholly. Therefore, urgent measures are urgently needed here.
– overcoming childish egoism. Here are some of these measures:

  • It is necessary to teach the child to independence. Starting from three
    years, the baby may well tidy up in his room, on his own
    dress, perform other simple duties;
  • Gradually it is necessary to expand the circle of those cases that a child can
    do it yourself. In this case, it is necessary that each of these cases
    he brought to the end. For the work done, the child should be commended.
    This is best done in the presence of all other members.
  • Very quickly and effectively the child gets rid of its own
    selfish inclinations, if you let him understand clearly,
    how bad is being selfish. Let’s say mom always woke him up
    school, collected his briefcase, stroked his school uniform, etc.
    It is clear that the child is used to this. But once mom intentionally
    she didn’t do that, the young egoist slept in the school, as a result of which
    he had some difficulties and troubles. Such a “treatment
    from the opposite “almost everyone will make you think that
    selfishness is bad;
  • Should as often as possible be interested in the child in his affairs in
    school, kindergarten, sports section, etc. And, moreover,
    need to ask him about friends, classmates, acquaintances. If a
    the child is worried about them, which means that he will soon “grow” out of
    своего детского selfishness;
  • When there are several children in a family, then around novice egoist
    no one “dances”, does not indulge all his desires and not
    makes him a home idol. That is, no child is not
    provides opportunities to feel exceptional as well,
    it means he will have no opportunity for the manifestation of egoism. Besides
    In addition, in large families, children usually live together, share
    friend with each other and help one another. Cohabitation and
    caring for each other – very effective prevention of children
  • Especially hard parents have to act if
    the child shows his egoism towards them. In no case
    should not be allowed to be pushed around by parents. Frequently used expression
    �“Living for a child” is extremely wrong. Because in the future
    such a child will also live exclusively for himself: so his
    taught. Therefore, in dealing with children must be observed
    own “I” without losing love for them.

A few words as a result

Let’s say it again: children’s egoism, as well as universal human
selfishness, the phenomenon is in principle quite understandable and normal. though
at the same time, there is egoism “healthy” and “unhealthy”.
�“Healthy” selfishness helps a person to survive in this world.
�“Unhealthy” egoism, that is, exaggerated, painful attention to
his person, on the contrary, harms the person, and brings even more
harm to those who live near him.

Human egoism is formed in childhood. AND
Here parents have the most important task – not to give their
the child to develop in itself precisely “unhealthy” egoism. Develop it
easy to eradicate is almost impossible. Here we must act
quite harsh ways, as mentioned above. ANDначе – в
the further cure of an adult egoist will be engaged
society, moreover, in a more rigid way.

We also read:

  • What if the child does not listen to you?
  • How to raise children: carrot or gingerbread?
  • 10 tips to stop shouting at your children
  • 10 secrets of educating an obedient child: how to teach children
    respect and hear parents
  • How to rehabilitate a spoiled child (how to understand what a child
    spoiled: signs and causes)

My child is selfish, the advice of a psychologist

Мамина школа: Единственный ребёнок — эгоист?

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