Most women raising children alone
feel pressure from the public. They are constantly harassed.
condemnation and pity of others, and the second option is not better
first. Often this situation affects not only
psychological state of women, but also affects the child.
A psychologist will help a single mom get rid of prejudices and
correctly build communication with the child.
The content of the article
- 1 Problem 1. Negative public opinion
- 2 Problem 2. Feeling alone
- 3 Problem 3. Remorse of conscience because of a child
- 4 Problem 4. Female education
- 5 Problem 5. Difficulties in personal life
- 5.1 How single mothers survive
- 5.2 Single mothers: their social status, decision
It would seem that in the modern world nobody will be surprised by the status
single mothers According to statistics, more and more women prefer
to raise a child without even trying to attract
father’s process. Nevertheless, our mentality does not give such an idea.
firmly rooted in the public mind. People continue
condemn single mothers even if it was for them
not a conscious choice, but an extremely undesirable and unexpected situation.
Let’s try to understand the problems with which
at a certain stage each single mother is facing.
Problem 1. Negative public opinion
Favorite society – hang tags. As soon as people
face an incomplete family where for whatever reason
missing father, they start with a mixture of pity and condemnation
to draw in front of the mother is not the most bright prospects:
�”A boy without a father will never become a real man,”
�“A child will feel defective all his life”, “She doesn’t want
married – would have thought even about the child “…
If the initiative of self-education of a child comes from
most women – the public begins to resent:
�“For the sake of the children, it was possible to suffer”, “Others’s children are not
needed ”,“ Divorced woman with children will not be satisfied with personal life ”…
and so on…
A woman, willingly or unwittingly, begins to try on herself and her
child, these disappointing predictions, and her already psychologically
unstable state can finally shake. She is
closes in itself, negates all contact with others and lives
in maximum isolation.
Decision. First you need to get rid of
stereotypes itself. Do not think that public opinion is
ultimate truth. Surrounding people for the most part
no better (no smarter, no more experienced) than you. All around they
perceived through the prism of their own worldview and life
experience that may differ significantly from yours. Ordinary
the expression “from the outside is more visible” does not work here. Only you
can determine what is best for you and your child and how you
continue to build life.
Trust yourself, your instinct, your actions, choices,
opinion and do not try to compare yourself with relatives and friends.
Bring your interests and the interests of your baby to the fore.
Communicate more with positive or neutral people
ready to support you.
Problem 2. Feeling lonely
This feeling is familiar to any single mother. Even in the case
if it was her conscious, balanced decision, the woman usually
hard tolerates the lack of “male shoulder.” For any of us
It is important to be able to share with someone your experiences and
emotions, discuss the latest news, tell about the success of his son
or daughters. Unfulfilled need for communication, accumulating,
leads to depression and nervous disorders.
In a woman by nature laid the need to create a home
gathering around him relatives and close people, give warmth and
care. And when she is left at home with a child,
This leads to confusion and longing.
These emotions are especially aggravated in situations that emphasize it.
isolation: silence and emptiness in the apartment in the evening when the baby
already fell asleep; �”Family” weekend walks together with the child.
If this is lost communication with friends who do not know how
contact with spouses after their divorce, or simply fear
distract mom from her son or daughter, then the emptiness in a woman’s life comes out
to the fore.
Decision. The most important thing is to perceive
loneliness is not like your cross in life, but as a temporary, annoying,
but inevitable, trouble. Find your advantages in this state:
finally have the opportunity to do your favorite hobby, read
interesting book, quietly sit on the Internet, freedom is not
adapt to the wishes of the partner … Try to make a list
at least 10 points. Written assignment will help
focus and articulate your thoughts more clearly.
Then you can proceed directly to the implementation of all these
points. Do handicrafts, cooking, read more, start
pet, chat on social networks or yourself
invite friends or relatives to visit. Need to
others also understood that you ready to talk.
Active actions. Fear stops the action,
action stops fear. Remember this rule and be
are active. New acquaintances, new leisure, new hobby, new home
pet – any activity that will help you not to feel
yourself lonely and fill the space around you interesting
people and occupations.
Problem 3. Remorse of conscience because of a child
�”She deprived the child of the father”, “Could not save the family”, “Doomed
a child for an inferior life “is only a small part of what
blames herself a woman. Moreover, she faces daily
a variety of domestic situations that make her
Feel even more guilty: I could not buy a child
I didn’t earn a toy because I didn’t earn enough money
on time from the kindergarten, because she was afraid once again
take time off from work.
Mother, one raising a child, constantly seems that she
something does not give him that the baby feels inferior, because
that grows without a father. Oil is poured on the fire surrounding, saying:
�“A child needs a firm hand”, “would not allow such a father”, etc.
Therefore, even the usual situations when a mother cannot buy her son
dear toy, and daughters newfangled dress, perceived her with
In this case, the mother seeks to indulge all the whims of children,
oversees the child, seeks to control every step he takes,
which does not benefit them both. The baby grows substandard, not
able to stand up for themselves, besides quickly learns to manipulate
mom and uses it right and left.
Decision. First you need to understand that the real
it is not the absence of the father that harms the child, but the fact that you are constantly
nibbling on this. Guilt makes you miserable
does not adequately assess and build relationships with the child.
Try to analyze (or better write down) what exactly you are
blame, is there any way to fix the situation
is there any way to atone for one’s guilt.
And perhaps behind the feeling of guilt lies aggression, fear, resentment,
diffidence? You need to be as honest with you as you can
only then can the situation be rectified.
Problem 4. Female education
This problem is especially relevant if the father does not communicate at all with
a child. Children should see two types of behavior: male and female.
They need to learn to build family relationships by the example of the father and
mother, to determine who has what role, what responsibilities in the family.
For a boy, father is a role model that
brings up such qualities as responsibility, honesty,
courage. And the girl learns to interact with the opposite.
by the father.
Of course, if all educational functions are performed only
mother, the influence of male children is not enough. They only see one.
model of behavior and begin to try it on yourself. In this case,
child in the future may have problems when communicating with
opposite sex. Nevertheless, the situation is solvable.
Decision. It is necessary that the child more
spent time with male relatives and friends.
Involve your grandparents, uncles, elder brothers. More
communicate with couples so your baby can see too
sample of family relationships.
Going to the movies with your grandfather, doing homework with your uncle,
going hiking with friends – it will be beautiful for a child
the ability to absorb various types of male
If possible, communication with the child’s father is better.
save, do not neglect it, no matter how great your
insult. By mutual wish, they can spend the weekend together.
days to make any trip. Your participation in this is not so
required If a child can be entrusted to a father for a while, then
This is the best option.
Problem 5. Difficulties in personal life
Single mothers often rush into two extremes. Some put
your personal life on the altar of ministry to the child. They spend with him
all his free time, completely “dissolved” in his interests
and desires. They simply don’t have time for themselves. Either it is to them and
no need: for fear that the new husband might not accept a son or daughter,
will not be able to love someone else’s child as her own, woman and does not try
make no relationship.
The second option is diametrically opposite. Single mother so
seeks to quickly get rid of this “shameful stigma” that
ready to almost jump out to marry the first comer. She is может
don’t even pay attention to the personal qualities of a man, his
readiness to bring up another child.
In an effort to quickly get rid of this “stigma” and
tormented by guilt in front of a child, a woman often enters
new relationships that she does not like or for which she has not yet
is ready. It is simply vital for her that she be with her
someone else, and the child had a father. At the same time, the personal qualities of the new
partner often fade into the background.
Not the last role is played by popular stereotypes: “to whom
need a child “,” no one will look at the divorce “… Therefore,
if there is a man ready to marry her in spite of everything
circumstances, she starts to rush things too much.
Of course, both options are unacceptable for both mother and baby.
They will both feel unhappy and blame the current
In both the first and second situations, the woman brings herself to
the victim and in the end remains miserable. And in the first, and in the second
The situation of the child will suffer. In the first case – because it will
see the suffering of the mother next to the unsuitable person. In the second –
because it will see the suffering of the mother alone and blame
yourself for that.
Decision. Stop and think. On what
Is your desire or unwillingness to remarry faster?
Are you doing this at the behest of your heart or are you trying to please a child?
Do not rush too much, or do you hesitate? Or maybe you
is driven by the fear of repeating your past bad experience? Think
why do you want a new relationship, what drives you: a sense of guilt,
loneliness or the desire to be happy?
In any case, you have nowhere to hurry. Start looking for a satellite
life, only when you realize that really ready for it. And not
be afraid to cause jealousy or resentment on the part of the child.
Remember the main maternal commandment: happy mother –
happy her children!
We also read:
- The husband does not want children: the possible causes and tactics of their
- Муж отказался от ребенка: что делать
- I gave birth to a child for myself – the story of mom
- How to survive a divorce with two children: 7 options for mom
How do single mothers survive
Single mothers: their social status, the decision of psychological
Какие of problemsы волнуют одиноких матерей, чем можно им помочь? AT
video discusses the issues of comprehensive assistance to single mothers,
разбираются психологические of problemsы, связанные с детьми,
social, family relations and their solutions: