Someday you will still find out about them, but much more
in a cruel way. Therefore it is better to read these colorful stories.
Becky Pope – mothers from England – who sincerely told her
subscribers about what happens when you just gave birth
baby right now. After all, forewarned is forearmed.
1. Postpartum contractions. Contractions. After. Rodov. Whoever
could you think? When the Lord gave a woman the ability to bestow life,
he definitely set us up …
2. The first urination. Take a bucket with warm water and
water your crotch by imagining that you are a star in some kind
very dirty porn. It helps.
3. The first trip is great. Do not panic. You don’t give birth
second child. Just feeling like. The main thing to remember is that
what comes out from behind is incomparable in size to what came out in front.
Your gut will not fall out. Or fall out. If you have hemorrhoids. Rather
all, so it is …
4. Your baby looks weird. Like … Really weird.
You will be told “Oh, what a cute / such a beautiful child”, etc.
and you will come to terms with the opinions of other people, but for you it will
look like a bald, slightly bluish old grandfather with bloody
smudges on the wrinkled face.
5. Their genitalia look ridiculous. And you will
worry about how it will affect their future life,
if they stay the same. Boys bells have size
whole bunch of walnuts, but their penis at the same time reminds anyone
not necessary tiny nut at the top. With time
�”Swelling” is likely to subside. But if not, get ready to
that the “big eggs” will become your school’s nickname
6. The first children’s poop does not even look like poop. it
some tar There is a feeling that the nurse at night
sneaks into your chamber and fills your baby’s diaper
molasses to check if you can get rid of it or immediately
start to google “Why diapers are filled with peanut
7. Your first shower will be like a horror scene. it
fine. Do not worry, over time you will stop walking like
egg heads from the film of the same name and you will be much better
feel in the shower. Imagine that you wash away your sins
(of course, if the child is born out of wedlock …)
8. Nurses adore children. They come and take
your without warning. They squeeze their testicles, massage
tummy so they pooped well, and tickle them so much that
when the child is returned, there is a feeling that he was given Botox
without your knowledge.
9. Your child hates you. He does not cry, he informs
to his master – the devil – about how well he is progressing
his plan for the destruction of life in you. Actually, of course, he is you
does not hate. However, it seems that he never cries if his
holding someone else, or that he likes, that you do not sleep the whole
night, but in reality it is so dependent on you that it becomes
awkwardly. Человеческий детеныш – это awkwardly.
10. You have never uttered a word in your life.
�”Suck” so often. And the idea of a little man sucking your
chest, suddenly becomes a reality. At this very moment you
really start to feel like a mom. AND
11. On discharge from the maternity hospital, they will definitely attach themselves to you.
photographers, feeling your vulnerability. They will make 50 identical
photos of your baby will make you choose the one you like and
shake off a lot of money from you. And if you have a sentimental spouse, then
you will have to refurbish the apartment to pay for
12. Food in the hospital is so terrible that you rather
prefer to give birth at home in the throes, than there is this weird.
13. It farts. It belches. It hiccups. It publishes such
terrible sounds in a dream that you are afraid to open your eyes and see Chucky,
whirling and laughing in the crib. You will hope
that other patients will understand that it is not you, but the child. Not really
you were sure not to fart. In these moments you do not control
14. All your friends will want to visit you at the hospital.
People become over-excited with only one thought. When they
go into your room, then feel like VIPs. And you when
it seems that you are about to go to another world. therefore
accept visitors only if you are ready for it.
15. Your tummy resembles a balloon that
slowly blown away and who is very sorry for himself. If you touch it,
then you will understand that he would be a great springboard for Stuart’s mouse
Little ANDли что, если его срезать, то персонал роддома мог бы
push it instead of peach jelly …
16. You are immediately prescribed contraceptives. Doctor constantly
will tell you how fertile you are now and how
there is a risk of becoming pregnant again. That’s just they forget about one
important thing – you will never have sex. You
generally do not want to see the penis. AND если один из них окажется
near you, you are likely to destroy him in the name of women
worldwide. The end.
17. You купаетесь в гневе. Your brain is angry, your eyes are evil,
like your tummy, and your fifth point. But your vagina is not angry.
She is just beside herself with rage. Give her time to recover, but
you are no longer friends with her right now …
18. You are constantly asked whether you have appeared
milk and you imagine how a man in a merry suit
a milkman with songs and dances enters the door of your chamber and
stays with you forever, passing you every bottle of milk
time your baby is hungry. But this is not what happens on
really Once, about 3 days later, from your breasts begins
milk flow so abundantly as if they had forgotten that they were breasts and not
garden sprinklers. You не знаете, из чьего они сада, но судя
by pressure they must have come on the orders of the queen herself
19. You want to send home as soon as possible. You
you occupy a bed for which there are many who wish, therefore you
take your stinky bundle with a little man and as soon as
Doctors will make sure that this is not a revived Picasso painting, you are free.
However, do not rush to leave. Accept as many tips as you can.
help before you go home. Because as soon as you leave
maternity hospital, you will be left alone with the baby, you should know how
20. Stop worrying. You не Чудо-женщина. Not
there is no such thing as normal, and there is no such thing as perfect.
You are enough for your child. AND вы идеальны для него. He is not
will judge you. It is completely up to you, and take
responsibility for another human being is not an orange
clean up You часто будете говорить «О боже, я больше не могу». You
you can. AND с каждым днем будет становиться все легче и легче.
Breathe, mommy. You стали большой девочкой и дали жизнь своей
small copy. Is there something impossible for you? Well except
sleep of course