10 phrases that make childrennotorious adults

Family psychologist Svetlana Merkulova told
AiF.ru, how just one carelessly thrown phrase can make
your child is a complexed person.


Family psychologist Svetlana Меркулова

How to make a child become an excellent student? Of course, compare
him with a successful classmate. Как успокоить своё чадо, если у
did he get hysterical in a public place? Promise a spanking at home
belt. Often these are the “ingenious” methods used
parents. And when they grow downtrodden and unsuitable for
life of children, begin to lament about how so
happened. Family psychologist Svetlana
 уверена, что даже одна небрежно брошенная фраза
can greatly affect the psyche of a little man, so
communicating with your child, you should carefully choose the words. What kind
expressions it is better to forget forever moms and dads she told

1. Я в твоём возрасте училась на отлично

С рождения и до шести лет мама и папа для ребёнка — это
almost gods who know everything. They form the attitude of the baby
to the world and to yourself personally. Specifically, in this phrase can be seen
rival parent with a child, he seems to be saying to his child: “You
i will never reach me No matter how hard you try, I’m better
you”. Children who grew up with this setup, as a rule, for life
prove to the family that they are good. Of course, saying such things
вы действительно стимулируете нарциссическую часть
the psyche of the child that provokes it to reach
определённых целей. But the trouble is that in the end man
achieves something not for themselves but for mom and dad so that they
finally saw that he deserves them. Growing up, such children never
not happy with their success, joy comes only in the event
if the parent recognizes their accomplishments, but he is hardly
will do.

2. Ты моя курочка, обезьянка, поросёночек

Как только ни называют своих детей любящие parents.
ATсё это приводит к обезличиванию ребёнка, его как бы нет, а
there is some kind of toy with which you can do whatever your heart desires.
At the beginning of your life, your son or daughter will say any word
perceive uncritically, they will trust you. Tell the child
что он дурак, вместо «тебе нужна помощь, давай я
объясню», и ребёнок примет это. I will give an example when mom is
educational impulse said son that he is a coward. As a result, when
acquaintance the boy presented himself as follows: “My name is Ivan Ivanov, I
coward”. Когда вы слышите подобное — это должно быть стимулом,
to think about how you communicate with your own child. Name
человека — это его презентация миру. In some families
получается, что оно задвигается и придумывается масса весёлых
titles for the child, but in vain! Name всегда должно быть на первом
plan, this is how a person will subsequently feel in this
the world, how much it will be whole. If you are more often called daughter
or the son of a chicken or dick, then you kind of bite off his
name (from his personality) pieces.

3. Посмотри, у Кати пятёрка за контрольную работу, а у
тебя — четвёрка

Большинство родителей всё делают из лучших побуждений. Have
parents themselves in childhood, most likely, was such an experience, and then
they say: “It’s okay, they said that to me, I grew up,
look how wonderful I am. ” Они смогли «забыть», как это
it hurts when your mom or dad rejects you and says: “But
Katya is better than you. ” This is a very painful experience that often children
transferred to their adult life. They start this Katya later
hate. It’s always unpleasant for a child to be compared to
someone else with a classmate, brother or sister. Such, already
взрослые люди всегда продолжают сравнивать себя с другими и
always not in their favor.

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4. Раз ты так себя ведёшь, я тебя не люблю

Or I can love you only when you approach me. After
this phrase, the child begins to try his best to be right,
he pushes all his needs and desires, “grows” in himself
some kind of antenna that guesses the desires and expectations of parents. AT
the result is a child does not exist. ATо взрослой жизни он пытается
всё время угодить, живёт с установкой: «Я хочу, чтобы меня
loved, and for this I must please. Have меня не будет своих
desires, but there will be desires of other people. ”

5. Не позорь меня

In other words, the parent says: “You are my shame.” Children who
they often hear a similar phrase, they really want everyone to see which
they actually, in doing so, if they get someone’s attention, then
don’t know what to do with it. They hide, close, get lost. Have
such a child as if there is no choice, it can only be someone’s
a shame. By saying something like that, you hurt your own

6. Ты совсем как отец (мать)

Of course, this phrase illustrates the relationship between father and mother, their
dissatisfaction with their life together, which they put out on
child То есть супруги напрямую не выясняют отношения,
но через своё чадо говорят друг другу какие-то гадости. And all
these filth remain in child If mom says, “You’re the same
stubborn like your dad. ” Получается, что папа — плохой
a person with whom it is impossible to agree. And now we will think
Does the boy want to be such a man, because he is stubborn and
bad? When we project our bad relationships onto children,
they have to live with it. On the other hand, in this phrase, he can
to hear the subtext that “with girls is better than with boys.”
Parents use this manipulation if there is a struggle for the child and
he needs to choose the side of either dad or mom.

7. Не доешь кашу — будешь слабым и глупым

Have меня была знакомая девушка, которой с детства говорили: «Если
you do not eat bread, then he will run after you all night. ” As if
смешно это ни звучало, но она ужасно боялась хлеба, т. е.
parents have the opposite effect. Подобные фразы — это тоже
pure water manipulation. Very often they are used by grandmothers and
grandparents who faced hunger in childhood. Then they
handed down from generation to generation unnoticed by us. Have ребёнка
similar expression can develop fears or very heavy
отношения с едой, её культ, лишний вес и т. д.

8. Будешь себя плохо вести, мы тебя отдадим дяде

This is a very specific message that says that the child
ценен, только если он удобен своим родителям. Parent
transmits to his child: “Do not be yourself, you must be such
how do you suit us. ATырастая, такие дети не знают, чего они
хотят, и пытаются угодить всем и каждому.


20 phrases that you can never say
детям – опасные слова, которые ломают ребенку жизнь

9. At home you get!

This is about the fact that the parent has the right to do with the child everything that
please, without appealing to his feelings. AT одну секунду мама или папа
turn into a parent warden who punishes or forgives. Have
children who often hear a similar expression in their address are not easy
relations with the authorities, as the parent figure
as if stuck together with the figure of the chief, and the person begins to be afraid
chief and at the same time wants to please him, not to be punished. But,
as a rule, the management feels a similar attitude and response
begins to “spread rot” of such a subordinate.

10. Haveйди, чтобы я тебя не видела и не слышала

I translate: “You ruined my life, disappear! You should not be.
And subsequently these children live with a feeling of deep guilt in front of
a parent, because he (the child) prevented the parent from living happily.
You need to be cautious with similar statements, because a person
can carry their load all their lives. ATообще, прежде чем что-то
tell your child, you need to think well. Many adults do not
hear what they say, it would be useful for them to at least sometimes hear
yourself from the side. Now there are a lot of gadgets, record your
speech and carefully study how you address your child, which
say words to him. Haveверяю, вы сделаете массу открытий и, возможно,
not the most pleasant.

WE READ ALSO: Какие слова лучше не
talk to children

Merkulova Svetlana Ravilievna

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